Loneliness

This morning I woke up heart wide open. I got on Facebook, and one of my favorite people who is all away around the country was on. We started to converse speaking about loneliness. She feels alone since she's away from her support system. It's crazy, but I feel like that sometimes and I'm not half way around the world. Loneliness creeps in when I forget that I can lean on people. They won't let me fall. If I do fall, it's probably because I need that. But those people, the people I trust, will be there to dust me off or kick me back down depending on what I need. Their hearts resonate with mine. I don't understand it. It took me almost 33 years to understand that I need to put trust not in people but in the Divine. The Divine lead me to these people. These wonderful people kick me on my ass when I need it. These people understands me and loves me for being ME, Anisa Kenyatta Parks. Anisa Kenyatta Parks is a complex, unique individual that found true friendship late in life. But I still feel lonely at times. I'm living way out here in Kenner I feel disconnected to them. Then others moved out of town.

That's why I like to go to CC's Coffee House on Esplanade. Even when I'm there with myself, I'm never by myself. I feel the warmth of past conversations and memories. I remember when I worked there, and we would have Crawfish Fridays. Yes, we would have crawfish on the center table and have Heinekens in a cooler. Just having fun! I remember when I would sit down outside, someone would stop, and then next thing we know there's ten people out there having a 'round table.' The conversations were always interesting, and everyone added to the conversation. We were out there after CC's closed. The CC's employees would tell us to lock the chairs after we finished. Yeah, it was great! I'm never lonely if I think of the memories that I have. I'm never lonely because I have friends I can call when I need them. I have family that will pick me up when I need it. I have friends who will kick me down when I need it.

Lonely is a state of mental insanity, for the mind is a powerful thing. When I'm alone, I shouldn't be alone because I know I have my memories, family, friends, God and myself to keep me company.