I Want Human Connection

I'm telling you that technology is a blessing and curse. I love it, for I can communicate with people that otherwise I would not (i.e. Facebook 'friends'), but I feel it takes away from the human connection. Yesterday I talked to a friend, and she said she missed me. I told her that the phone works. Her response to that was "I follow you on Facebook." Yeah, that's cool. It's nothing like hearing a person you care about voice or sitting in their presence. I've always longed for human connection. I love to enjoy others' company as well as spending time with myself. I do not want to be a hermit and internalize everything. I cannot understand how some people just do the 'Internet thing.' I love hearing from my friends. I love the conversation. I love going to a bar and watching a football game. (Thanks Wayne for yesterday).

We often get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, and sometimes we forget how to just live. We can work and work and get 'material things,' but we will miss out on living. I love just 'being still.' Sometimes we have to rest the mind, body and soul. We have to hibernate to rejuvenate. That's why we need vacations from work. It doesn't have to be an elaborate vacation. It can be a drive to friend's house that lives 4 hours away. It can be just going to a hotel downtown and becoming a tourist for a few days without any worries of home or work. Just being free.

Technology again is a blessing and curse. I'm happy that I've gotten in contact with some people from my past (i.e. Melanie Williams, Lysa Cage and Letitia Carter) with the use of the Internet. I do not like that we are dependent on this technology for everything. This just reminds me that I have to call one of those before mentioned persons, for we've been texting for the last two weeks. I haven't talked to her on the phone. I have heard her voice in a minute. I want the human connection. I will do my part. Will you?

I Walk the Walk to be Great!

This morning I woke up and realized that I want my dreams to come true because I want to be great. Money does not motivate me to fulfill my dreams. Yes, I like nice things. However, I don't envy others because of their material things. I want to fulfill my dreams because I was born to be great. I was born to accept my life as God designed. I'm becoming more aware of my gifts and talents. I'm shining more brightly every day. I regressed at times, but I need to learn from those regressions and keep moving on. We all have things about ourselves that we want to change. But most accept as is, but I cannot do that any longer. That's tearing me away from the person I was born to be.

I know my worth. It's not what Starbucks giving me, but I'm here for the meantime. That's all. There's so much more to my life. I have a million and one ideas that can create a million and one dollars. It's time to put these ideas to action. I've met so many people that can help me. I have to help myself so they can see the potential become a reality. It's only then that everyone will be on my coattails. Haters, I know you're out there. It's ok. I'm motivated by you. I want to prove you wrong, for I know my way is right. It's my God-given right. I'm not a malicious person. I want you to get yours, too. If you have your own, you're not looking at what I have.

We are in a capitalistic society that reveres money. I revere greatness in the form of the ability to change as in Jay-Z, transcending greatness through intelligence and charisma such as Barack Obama, or loving oneself without limits such as India.Arie. Jay-Z left the game of hustling (drug-dealing) behind to become one of the greatest MCs and businessmen in hip-hop. Barack Obama brought people together in a time when uncertainty and fear reigned in our country. India.Arie has remained true herself despite the popular perception of beauty. She transcended beauty to include 'strength, courage and wisdom.' These are celebrities that I admired for their inner strength not their money, clothes, houses or cars.

Now I wake up and realize that I can do it, too. I can transform my life to anything I want it to be with persistence and strength. I can do this. This is my time. I walk the walk to be great.

To give or not to give...

"Having been given, I must give." - Paul Robeson

Yesterday I went to my mom's house and work in the yard. I hadn't cut grass in years because I live in apartments without those responsibilities. However, I went by my mom's house and I made a promise with my brother to cut the grass on Sundays. I used to do the yard by myself every week because that's what my grandfather used to do it every Saturday. He had less than I did. I had a lawnmower with a bad so I didn't have to rake up and pick the grass. I had a weed eater. He had a a machete to line the edges.

I always respected and loved my grandfather. As I get older my admiration grows. I'm not idolizing him. He had his faults, but he was a man. He raised seven children in a house he bought. It was not a mansion, but it was his. My grandfather was not big as far as height, but he was a big to me. He was a man of consistency and routine. Every Saturday (unless it was raining) he woke up and did the lawn and worked in his garden. Then he would take a shower and get his hair cut. I didn't have much hair, for he was balding. He went every Saturday to get his hair cut and lined. Then on Sunday he would wake up, get ready and walk to church for 8:00am. If it was football season, he went to every home game for the New Orleans Saints. Then he went to work at 6:00am and get back around 4:00pm.

I remembered my grandfather, for he was my father figure. He was my Paw Paw. I wanted to be like him. I'm not without faults, but I aimed to work as he did. I aim to live as he did, but giving with being myself. Giving shouldn't be something I do to get attention. Giving should be a part of who I am. My grandfather gave me consistency and love. For that I am giving the world my best. My best hasn't been tapped into yet. I give you J. R. Williams Consulting, LLC. This was named after the man who gave me so many examples of what a man should be, James Royal Williams, Sr, my Paw Paw.

Putting It Out There

"It's easy to be independent when you've got money. But to be independent when you haven't got a thing, that's the Lord's test." - Mahalia Jackson

Many of us have fallen victim to materialism. Often it's the have's versus the have not's. I've noticed how some look at the have not's with disdain and contempt. I am a have not. I have a lot though. I have an eduation (B.A.), family and friends, God-given talents and gifts and experience. I have a lot, but monetarily I am struggling. I don't have what I know I can. I've stopped hustling like I used to, but that doesn't mean I don't have a fulfilling life. I have an imagination. I have dreams. I have faith in a HIGHER POWER that these dreams will become my reality. But I have looked at family members and friends (the have's) and wished it was me. I cannot lie. I won't lie.

So I will not be a slave to capitalism. I have to understand my needs and my wants. I have to differientiate them, for I have enough for my needs. I have to save for my wants. They cannot go before my needs. My needs are essential to my existence. I will falter at times, but it's about achieving the goal. It's not about the new kicks or new gadget. It's about living happily and fulfilling. I cannot tell you how many times that I've given up. I cannot anymore. My dreams depends on it. Hell, my life depends on it.

I'll tell you this. I want to be debt-free in five years. I have a lot of work to do, but I think I can do it. I'm going to get with an accountant and find out the best ways to achieve this. Yeah, that's the ticket. I have to put it out in the universe. I have to work its magic and act. It's my time for action. I'm putting it out there.

MY NEXT STEP

"Life is preparation. What does that mean? Live! And you will find out." -Barbara Body

Many times we stop living because we allow stress, money and 'others' to define our lives by what we have materially. I have to get away from that. It's not what I have materially. It's about my God-given gifts and what I do with it. It's about waking up and going running to feel good. I have to get away from the quick fix. There's no quick fix for anything. It's about preparation for the future. Every successful person dreamed, prepared and executed. Preparation is not perfection. There will be setbacks. Success comes when you don't get sidetracked and continue to push on despite all of the distractions and challenges that come your way. It's easy to give up. I've done it too many times. Then I look at others who've made it. They are not more talented than me, not in the least. I have to be consistent and persistent in my approach to life. I have to live without regrets. I cannot have regrets in life. I have to live like it's my last. It is my ONLY life that I get.

I have to venture in the world. I belong in this world. This is as much as mine as the next person. I don't have to bow to anyone. I cannot let myself down. I'm the only one that matters. You have to understand that I used to put people on pedestals. I've realized that they come crashing down, too. I cannot look at anyone's life and think his/her life is better than mine. I don't care how much money or how fabulous he/she looks. Insecurities are a bitch. We all have them. Oprah Winfrey, yes! Shawn "Jay-Z" Carter, yes! Beyonce Knowles, yes! Halle Berry, yes! Barack Obama, yes! We may think they have everything they want, but it's usually the thing we have they want like privacy, intimacy, love, and true friendship.

We can be envious of others, or try to get our own. I respect all of the before mentioned celebrities. I've realized that my talents aren't theirs. It's ok. Mine are unique and were made just for me. I haven't tapped into them as I should. It's time to go back to the lab. I have to pray (talk to God) and meditate (listen to God) and come out with my new plan. I will keep this new plan close to me. Only a few will know. I will move around like a ninja in the night. Pun intended. Now you know my next step.

Goodbye Procrastination... Hello Action...

Procrastination is my friend. I met 'Pro' back in high school. I would put off my assignments until the last minute. I get it done, but it wouldn't be my best work. However, it was good so I continued to get A's and B's. I guess I thought I didn't have to work for anything because I was that good. But life is not like that. I have to work for it continuously. I have to be the first one up to catch the worm. It's my worm. I cannot allow 'Pro' to deter me. I cannot allow that. I have to get up and just do it. I'm not trying to advertise for NIKE. There will be no more blogs until I start working towards my dreams and goals.

If you don't see anymore, I've allowed 'Procrastination' to take hold of me. I am taking accountability for my actions. The working out begins TODAY. My day job will not be the front runner in my life. My dreams are. These dreams can become a reality if I stop procrastinating. I'm tired of working hard. It's time to work smart. It's time to open up the Pandora's box of possibilities. These are endless.

Now if you don't see my blogs, it means 'Procrastination' has taken a hold. You should call me. Text me. Tell me to get on my shyt because maybe I need that. I'm ready to take off. It's time. And 'Pro,' you really are not my friend. I have to cut you loose. Goodbye Procrastination. Hello Action, my new best friend.

Change...

It's been about a month since I written my last post. My last blog was about action. Well, I haven't. I've stood still for about a month. Last night I was disgusted and upset with myself about my inability to act. I'm stuck in a rut. Why? I cannot understand it. I see others doing what I should. I cannot get down on myself, but I cannot live like this anymore. I cannot live with one foot inside and the other outside. I have to bust that door wide-open. I had a few things going as far as the promotions and then it stopped. I got frustrated and downright angry at others not looking at myself. I have to call a spade a spade. As of right now I am a failure. I've not lived up to the abilities, intelligence or talents. God gave me all of these, and I am wasting it. I cannot live or lie to myself anymore.

I have to wake up and smell the coffee. I have to understand that this is it. I have to live each day like it's my last. I cannot have any regrets. I have to own my decisions. I have to love wholeheartedly. I have to be honest with myself as well as others. I have to understand that I cannot be afraid to be great. I cannot blame others for not going forward. That is my choice. I have to continue to fight for what I want because everyone else is. I have to understand that I can change my fortune. I've been given all of these gifts from God, and I haven't used them. That is blasphemous.

I am angry not anyone but myself. Now it's not the time to get down on myself. I cannot because that won't help matters. I have to get this started today. I have to stop talking. I have to work it out. I can sit around and feel like I've been left behind. I have. I don't belong in the circle of friends I have because I am not doing shyt. Potential is nothing until it's realized. The only person that needs to realize it is me. I'm tired. It's time for CHANGE.

Stop Living by Default

My pursuit of happyness continues, for my eyes opened to a new day. One thing I've learned in the recent past is happyness comes from within. I'm learning about myself everyday. I look in the mirror and sometimes it's painful, for some stuff I don't like about myself. As I stated last night in a conversation with a friend, I have two options: change what I don't like or stay as is. Either way I should shut up about it. My pursuit of happyness is about action, just doing it. Sometimes we falter, but we can learn from those mistakes and move on. To be stagnant is death, a slow death in a mundane life. I don't know about you, but I wasn't born to live a mundane existence. If that's the case God could made me a rock. I was given life full of choices. It's time for me to use them.

Some scientists argue about what makes humans different from other living things. Some say that the main difference is humans have a soul. That may be true, but I would say that we have choices. We get second chances every day. We can right a wrong with a phone call. We can admit our mistakes and choose another way. We can live a different life if we want. If we are overweight, we can make the conscious choice of eating better and exercising. If we are stagnant at a job, we can decide to look for other options such as going back to school or applying to other jobs. As humans we have choices. I have to remember that and make them. When I do not like something about my life, it's up to me to choose to change it. I have to stop living by default. That's not living. It's time.

Honoring... by Living!

I'm back at work. Today was my first day back. While I was on my hiatus, I realized a few things. I realized how short time can be. I realized that I need to begin my life as I want it. It's up to me to change my life. Yesterday I walked in CC's (my old store), and one of my old customers saw me. I hadn't seen her since Katrina. We exchanged pleasantries. She asked about schoool. I told her I finished at Dillard in 2005. Then she asked about graduate school. I got uneasy. She told me all of the upsides to it. I listened. Actually, she told me that I better get back in school next fall. I thought about it.

I'm still thinking about it. I know there's a life I want, and there's a life I'm living. Those two are not the same. I am moving toward what I want. I have to move toward it. I have to understand that I'm the only one who can change my situation. My happiness. My joy lives within me. It's up to me to do this. I need to move forward and get what's rightfully mine, the life I was born to live. I feel it within me. I know it is. I cannot be afraid of failure. Failure cannot hold me captive in a life of normalcy, for I am remarkable, and my life should be regarded as such. I cannot. I will not accept anything less.

One step at a time. That's all I need is one step at a time. I have to understand that baby steps count, too. When it's too hard, I have to lean on my Higher Power. When I don't think I can go any longer, I have to know that I am strong, for I am made in God's image. There's nothing weak about God. There's nothing weak about Anisa Kenyatta Parks. Nothing! There's nothing weak about Booker T. Washington. W. E. B. DuBois. Harriet Tubman. Frederick Douglass. Marcus Garvey. Martin Luther King, Jr. Coretta Scott King. Malcolm X. Betty Shabazz. Sidney Poitier. Nikki Giovanni. Angela Davis. Assata Shakur. The Black Panthers. Bill and Camille Cosby. Dr. Benjamin Carson. Dr. Michael Eric Dyson. Colin Powell. Oprah Winfrey. Tyler Perry. Barack and Michelle Obama. I can go on forever. But there's nothing weak about my grandparents, James and Ella Williams and the seven children they birthed. My mother, Gaynell Williams. My brother, Amir J. Williams. In the words of Antwon Fisher, "I'm still standing. I'm strong." I had many footsteps to follow. I appreciate and honor them as I continue this journey to redemption.

Honesty...

Yesterday I went through the process of 'coming clean' with a friend. I did, and I think I've lost her forever. It's okay though because I had to be honesty with her. I owed that to her. I owed that to myself. This past week I've reviewed my life. Some things I'm very proud about, and some things I'm not so happy about. The reality of all is all of these are me. They all are a part of me. If I have things I want to change, I have to change them no matter what the repercussions are. Does it hurt? Hell yes. I couldn't do anymore not to her. She gave me her all, and I was giving well less than that. I faltered because I didn't want to deal the painful entities about myself. I didn't want to uncover the mask of heroism that she could see past anyway because she was my friend.

My eyes well up thinking that I've lost someone so wonderful. The consolation was she was happy that I was finally forthright and honest with her, but maybe just maybe it was too late (for her). That was a consequence that I had to risk because I couldn't go on like that anymore. I had to open up and uncover the layers. Risky? Yes. Painful? Of course. Worth it? Yes. In the wake I know that I have to be honest if it hurt either one of us because in the end we will both hurt. Or maybe I've saved our relationship, but it will take time to repair. I will put forth the blood, sweat and tears to make that happen because she is worth it.

I know some will read this and think this is some romantic thing. It's not. It's about loving anyone. She deserves me to love her with all that's me. She has rocked my soul with her honesty and love. I don't want her to take that away from me. If she has to, I understand. I hope she doesn't.

Share with the World

Last week I had my 33rd birthday. It was a time of reflection and remembrance. There's a lot about my life that I truly love. I love my family and friends that I've allowed in my life. I love my passion for music. I love my passion for people. I love my passion for love. However, there are parts of my life that I would like to change. I have to act on that. Only action will take care of that. I've been pussy-footing for a minute, but it's time to get this right. I have everything I need, for I am a God's child.

I received a card on my birthday that stated that I was 'wonderfully made,' 'gifted,' 'chosen,' 'loved,' 'beautiful,' 'accepted,' and 'valued' because that who I truly am. I was humbled and excited to know that someone in the universe that about me like that. But I realized that many think about me like that. Now it's time for me to think in those terms about myself. I am wonderfully made. I am gifted. I am chosen. I am loved. I am beautiful. I am accepted and valued. Sometimes we forget that because we don't have what we want, but we always have what we need. At times we measure our success by society's standard of money, fame and power. As we see everyday those become overrated. Betrayal, hypocrisy and treachery rule the world of money, fame and power.

I thought I wanted that life. I want to be joyful. I want to have joy in my life. I want to continue to have the few friends that I do. I want to make my dreams come true. I don't care how outrageous they are, for I have the tools to make them a reality. Everyone has the ability to make their dreams come true. We all are 'chosen' for we all were born into this life of choice. We have the choice to be happy. We cannot and should not go by society's standards. They are skewed. We have look inside to truly see what we are here to shard with the world. I share with you love, wisdom and hope. What are you sharing with the world?

Keeping It Simple

I've been listening to a lot of mixtapes lately. It's just a phase. I'll probably be on jazz or alternative next week. I heard the new song, Jeremih's I'mma Star (Remix) with Juelz Santana. I was thinking I am a star among stars. We are all stars actually. We are all originals. We are all are one of a kinds, alive to offer a unique and special gift. I realized I am as God created me to be. All of the struggles and tribulations that come my way came because God made me strong enough to deal with all of it. Everything is just temporary. I have to get through it to find the pearl (the lesson), for everything that happens is for my personal growth.

God shows you as much as you're willing to take. Have you ever had an opportunity that you was not prepared for? We all have. If our lives unfolded before we were ready, many times we would be devastated. Our life unfolds as it should. My grandmother spoke wisdom when she said, "You are exactly where you supposed to be." I'm here because I'm still learning and growing. With wisdom, strength, faith and action, I will achieve anything I set out to do. I have to continue to investigate internally and see why I am my own hindrance. Am I truly frightened that I am powerful beyond measure? Still questions linger in my head. I will say that I'm closer to the answers than I was when I started this journey.

I have to continue this journey to self-discovery. This will lead to finding joy in my life. I want to get to the point that I am joyful about life. I find balance between personal life, professional life, maintaining a healthy lifestyle,and my dreams. I can work on all three with such fierceness. Balance requires only that you make a conscious effort to enjoy what you are doing, and that you learn to be present in every aspect of life, for some portion of each day that you are life. Rest. Work. Play. Dream. Make dreams come true. Serve. Work out. Eat right. Pray. Write. Read. Listen to music. Tweet. Blog. And the many more things that I enjoy in my life. One thing I realized that I have to eliminate all the unnecessary bs that clutters your day.

Simplicity. You remember when life was simple. You remember when you didn't care about what others thought. For those of us who went through Katrina many of us shopped at Wal-Mart to just clothe ourselves. We didn't care what others thought because we were going through Katrina's aftermath. We didn't care about our stuff. It was about family, friends and their safety. Nothing else mattered. It's crazy to think we didn't learn from Katrina. This week I'm giving up all of unneccesary bs. I'm de-cluttering my life. I will be on Facebook and cutting down my friends. I'm only keeping the people I talk to on a regular basis. I have to have some kind of connection with them. I'm de-cluttering my life. Anything unneccessary will be GONE! Keeping it simple.

So I Write

I'm back. I hadn't written in awhile because I had been doing some things, but I'm back. I'm back because I miss writing in the morning before my hussle and bussle of a day. It relaxes me. It calms me before I have to deal with customers who thinks the world revolves around them. I cater to them from 9 to 5, my office hours then the world is mine. Writing is my beginning, my calm before the storm. So I write. I write because I can get whatever is off my chest OFF! I write because it is a release in a form of expression, my expression. I write because I've been doing it so long that it's my way of communicating.

When I was kid I hated reading and writing. It wasn't fun until an uncle told me that I didn't connect to what I was reading. I didn't think I had anything in common with Shakespeare. Little did I know that Shakespeare ran the gambit of emotions we all feel as humans: betrayal, love, infidelity, hope, distrust, cross-dressing (funny!), etc. It all made sense. My teacher Ms. Fairchild introduced me to Shakespeare. My favorite play is As You Like It. I haven't read that in a long time. This Friday I think I'm going to pick up at Barnes & Noble. I love to comedies and tragedies. Shakespeare showed the range of emotions, and I identified with them. I identified with Hamlet, for he had so misfortune that he didn't he was worthy of love. I identified with Othello, for he couldn't see past his conscious, Iago. Unlike these tragic characters, I see that I am special and can rise beyond the tragedy of life.

So I write for my soul to drown my sorrows. I write to understand that I have something worthy to say to world. I write to remember. I write to identify what I am feeling. I write to see the my words on a paper, for it's my words, my thoughts. I am writing to share with you all that I am. So I write.

The Year of the Phoenix Rising

The Year of the Saints. For Saints fans that's every year. Every year we gear up for a season. The Saints may start 6-0 then it goes downhill from there. Only year that was magical was 2006. The offseason was our best to date. We hired an offensive minded firecracker in Sean Payton. We took a chance on Drew Brees after his shoulder injury. The Houston Texans drafted Mario Williams, and we could draft Reggie Bush, the most explosive college player in recent history. Unbeknownst to most we drafted with our final pick Marques Colston which would prove to be the best steal of the game.

September 25, 2006 we knew it would be a magical year. It was the first game in the Louisiana Superdome since Hurricane Katrina. The Saints were playing our arch rivals Atlanta Falcons at home. It was Monday Night Football on prime time television. On the fourth play of the game backup safety Steve Gleason blocked the punt and defensive back Curtis Deloacth fell on the ball in the endzone for the Saints' first score. The Superdome erupted. As I watched on television I could remember a year before when I was in the Superdome sitting uncertain, scared, and powerless. Yes, I went to the Superdome as Hurricane Katrina approached. My grandmother (bed ridden), mother and brother and I fled to the Superdome. While walking in the mass hysteria I met a couple who was vacationing in New Orleans from New York. They couldn't get a flight out of New Orleans. The pain of their eyes haunts me today.

As I watched the game I thought about telling my mother to leave my brother and me. God would protect us. She left with my grandmother on an ambulance. That's when I broke down. My brother and I were looking for the family we made friends with just a day before. In that chaos I wanted something familiar. I searched and searched. I got frustrated. My brother heard it in my voice. My vulnerability reared its ugly head. I kept thinking not now. I had to be strong if not only for myself but for my little brother who was 16 at the time. My frustration led me to sit in the sea of people and cry. My brother told me he needed to use the restroom. Desperately, I told him that he'd better come back. He did with the good news of finding our 'new family.' That day I saw my brother becoming a man not just the little boy I once knew. He was my protector as much I was his. Not only we found that family after a few mishaps with FEMA (long story) at the New Orleans Arena we decided to walk out of there and go home on the Westbank.

I never thought I would walk across the Mississippi River Bridge, but I did at least halfway. When we got to the final entrance to get the Westbank a couple of guys in a truck told us that he would take us to DeGaulle. We got in with our 'new family.' We walked back to my grandmother's house unaware how much devastation had taken place to our wonderful city, New Orleans. It was there that my aunt called my grandmother's house by mistake and I answered. At least my family was connected at least by phone. Once they knew everyone called my grandmother's houe to check on us. Then my estranged uncle called and said that someone was picking us to bring us to Houston to be with him.

Houston would become my home for two years. New Jersey would become my brother's home for two years as he finished and graduated from high school. But all of those memories came rushing back as I watched Green Day and U2 played 'The Saints are Coming.' As I think about those memories even today some are painful, I know that I can get through anything. I've accomplished many things since Hurricane Katrina. I've become a better person since then. I'm becoming more patient with myself, for I know that I can and will. Now Saints it's 2009. We've picked up some key players in the offseason on defense. It's time to shine not just for winning sake. We have to show that we can and will overcome anything. I know I will.

Growth

Good morning, everyone. I haven't been doing my blogs as often as I used to, but I am getting back to it. I had to do some inventory this weekend. I had to look at the bad habits that I often project when I feel trapped. I often disappear and go off the radar when something's wrong. I fell off the radar this time because I was stressing. As I stressed I increasingly got mad with myself. Counterproductive! I hadn't talked to my favorite aunt in almost two months. She'd been calling me, and I'd been avoiding her for I knew I couldn't lie to her when she asked the question, "How are you doing?" Then I would have to spill all of my beans. I wasn't ready for that yet. I was still wrestling with my problem. I hadn't seen my friends in over a month. I'm becoming those Cancers in my life (LOL! - you know who you are). Yesterday I finally realized that these are the times I need my family and friends the most. I still didn't think my problems were revelant enough to talk with them.

My favorite aunt called me Saturday when I was stressing. I talked to her for about two seconds and got off the phone. I cannot believe I did that. Not her. I felt guilty all day. I had to call her back. I had to tell her why I'd fell off the radar. I know she was just concerned. I probably made it worse for her. I didn't call right then and there. I waited until yesterday. I was sitting around the house milling around. I didn't want to do anything. Then I realized that I don't exercise when something is bothering me. I should to get that euphoria feeling after a workout. When I got to the gym it was raining hard. It was time. I called my aunt, and we talked. We have the same problems. After talking for awhile I apologized for my actions. She told me when I'm going through it is when I need my family and friends the most. That's true, but I know everyone has problems. I don't want to bother them with my problems.

STOP IT, ANISA! You hurt just like everyone else. You have problems like everyone. You are not superwoman. I am not superwoman. I have problems like everyone else. I hurt just like everyone else. My friends and family can listen as I listen to them. I am deserving of that. I don't have to shoulder everything by myself. I am a part of this world. Let me start believing that. I am a great person. I have wonderful friends. I'm not alone. I have God every step the way. I cannot forget that. Those footprints in the sand are God's, for the Divine is carrying me as I get through this.

Transformations

I'm tired of the same old way of not believing in myself. It's time to get up and do it. It's no time like the present. I have to see what the present is, a gift. Since I'm going through a rough patch, I have to see it as temporary. Never again can I stop believing in me, for no one else will. It's time to go into the world and be the world's best at something. Everyone cannot be Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates or Barack Obama, but they can be the world's best with whatever powers, talents and gifts that God gave us. This week I've been examining what are my gifts. For so long I didn't think I had any talents of value. I do.

One of my gifts is my ability to talk to different people. I've noticed that people enjoying conversing with me. I put them at ease. I've been told that I have certain charm that everyone wants to be around (except my Starbucks partners LOL). I've understand that I like people and diversity in particular. At Eleanor Laura McMain Magnet Secondary School I was exposed to diversity in many ways. It was an interesting dynamic, for many were shunned because of their differences. I was scolded at times, but I learned to interact with many. I was in this catch-22, for I knew many but was friends to very few. High school wasn't my highlight. When you're going through it, you don't realize that the best is ahead of you. Years later I met people and create lifelong friends. Then I realized that I wasn't the only one who felt awkward in high school. It was a learning experience. I had to take it for what it was.

One job helped me experience life more than any other. It was my job as barista, shift lead, then associate manager that elevated me. At that job I got to know people. I opened up to strangers because they were genuinely interested in who I was. For the first time in my life I felt comfortable being myself. I didn't have to introduce them to my 'representative.' I was myself and gained the friendships that I always wanted with wonderful people. I reminisce about those times often. I gained knowledge, wisdom, friends but most of all I gained myself. I learned that I was wonderful as is. My friends reaffirmed this for me. There are many memories I have from CC's. Crawfish Friday's with crawfish and Heinekens. Sitting outside for hours on. Knowing everyday was different but with some commonality. We had each other. We protected each other from everyday lives. It was our release. At CC's we laughed, talked and even cried because we were comfortable to display all of those feelings. I don't know about the rest of you, but it was the first time in my life where I felt I could be vulnerable without being defenseless.

Now I embark on this new road of my life. I don't have my CC's everyday, but I took away from it lifelong friendships. Actually, I gained more family. That family understands how to push me in the right direction. It's time for me to accept that push and move forward. Thank you all for loving me as is. There's so much more to me that's trying to get out. I'm ready! World, here I come.

"I am in a new place in my life and it is strange but familiar to me." - Gia Hamilton

I read this on Facebook on an old classmate's status. I've been trying to go back for so long. There were things I forgot in my old age. I was closer to God when I was younger. I used to talk to God all of the time. I was closer to myself. I didn't care about all of the glitter and gold. It was about truth and faith. When I was upset, I had my grandmother and music to console me. I listen to music still, but it's different. While learning new things, I cannot forget the old. I cannot forget about going to my room, locking my door, listening to music and forgetting the world. Even in a relationship I cannot forget about being with myself.

I used to write poetry all of the time to give my feelings worth through words, stanzas and phrases. It was something more than poetry. It was my experiences and feelings canonized. I have to get away from the idiot box, television. I used to read all of the time. I have to get away and walk. I used to walk everywhere. I got this car and cannot walk down the street. I bought a bike a few months ago, and I haven't rode it like I said I would. I cannot get down on myself. I just have to do it.

It's crazy how your life change when you live with someone else. You cannot lose yourself within that relationship. You still have to fight for your individuality. I'm not an idiot box watcher, but I became one because my significant other watches it all of the time. When she is reading, she has the idiot box on. I cannot be an idiot. I forgot that I made my own space when I was living at home. I thought I didn't have to create that space because it is mine. Actually, it's ours. I have to create my space to stay sane.

Let me get back to the basics. I used to run 5 miles a day. I'm back to 2 miles. It's time to get back to that. I used to depend on me. I have to get back to that. I used to read a book a week. I have to get back to that. I used to pray every day. I have to get back to that. I used to write poetry to get it out. I have to get back to that. I will get back to that. I've recognize what I need to get back in my life. I've realized what I don't need in my life. Growing is understanding what God intended you to be. I'm growing.

MJJ - My Last Tribute

Michael Jackson is gone. We've seen the tributes. I understand the time restriction of it, but come on it's Michael Jackson. We watched the memorial. Kenny Ortega. I would love to work with him. The memorial was something wonderful. While I did not watch the whole memorial, I watched the memorable clips. From Brooke Shields' eulogy to Jermaine Jackson's reindition of Charlie Chaplin's Smile to Magic Johnson's funny anecdote to Usher's tender touch of the casket as he sang it was marvelous. There's so many wonderful moments you can speak about.

The thing I enjoyed about the memorial for the first time in my life Michael Jackson seemed human just like the rest of us. For a long time we put him on this pedestal. Michael Jackson created this phenomenon of a superstar. He then became a slave to his superstardom. It was what he strived for, but very few could relate to him due to his status or talent. Michael Jackson was a little strange. What he dealt with was extremely strange things with his family, friends, fans and the media. Michael Jackson became a prisoner to his own success. I don't pity him, for he created that mass hysteria around himself.

There has never been a man that singlehandedly created a persona like Michael Jackson. For he wasn't just an entertainer, Jackson was a humanitarian. He understood the meaning of giving back to those unfortunate. In the 80s he became friends with the AIDS patient, Ryan White. At that time HIV and AIDS patients were treated as if they needed to be 'quarantined.' That's when AIDS was a 'gay disease.' However, Michael Jackson only saw a boy in need. The relationship between Ryan White and Michael Jackson became international news. Michael Jackson brought a focus to HIV, AIDS and its research.

During the memorial I realized that for his family and friends he was just Michael or MJ. He was a loving man who was naive at times. He loved his family and friends. He loved his children. He loved his fans, for he understood without his fans his life as he knew it wouldn't be possible. He was wonderfully human with extraordinary talents. Now Michael Jackson can lay to rest knowing he will always be one of the very best to ever do it, ENTERTAINING. He was an entertainer. Let's not forget that he was human first. MJJ, you will surely missed.

In New Orleans We Celebrate Life

Essence Music Festival came and went this year. I didn't want to go. I've realized that I'm not into big crowds. It's about quality over quantity for me. When I was younger, I thought I had to show my face at Essence, Mardi Gras and Bayou Classic just to be seen. If I didn't enjoy it, I didn't understand why I was doing it. It was the glitz and glamour we rarely see in New Orleans. Everyone comes to our city and makes it better. I remember when we had big events in New Orleans such as the Super Bowl, NBA All-Star Weekend, Bayou Classic or Essence Music Festival out-of-state promoters would come and give these VIP parties. These parties would start at $50 just to get in to be around the rich and famous. If you wanted you could pay more money to be VIP. This was up to $200. How ludicrous is that! Outrageous!

Then I realized the reason celebrities enjoy coming to New Orleans is for the fun atmosphere and nonchalant attitude of the people. In the past Lenny Kravitz was a regular at Port o' Call, but everyone treated him like a regular person. It's about celebrating life in New Orleans. We don't hound people because we know they have to live their lives. It's a remarkable thing! I was watching a VH1 Soul, and there was a special on Black music. Babyface talked about how he had to move back to Los Angeles because he felt he was 'a big fish in a small pond' in Atlanta. New Orleans is different because we feel like you're just another person here. That's why we are called a big town instead of a small city.

Understanding that New Orleans will never be Atlanta. We shouldn't want to be. We should want the music business that Atlanta has warranted. But we should never want to be another city because no other city can be like New Orleans. There's no place like New Orleans in the world. It's the quaintness of New Orleans. It's the feeling that everyone knows everyone. That makes New Orleans wonderful. That's why I would like New Orleans promotions to be similar. We should celebrate our uniqueness. We should look at other cities as templates but never lose the sight of the uniqueness and wonderment we call New Orleans. There's something wonderful about New Orleans. Everyone says it's a little slow in New Orleans, but who cares? In New Orleans we experience life and take it all in. Everyday we celebrate life even in death we do. Let's celebrate life in New Orleans.

Because I Love Her...New Orleans

She is so beautiful. She is like wine, for she gets better with time. She gets into your being and won't let go. You leave her, but you keep coming back for more. She is not too good for you, but you don't care because she is there when you need her. Her sexiness perpertrates your soul, and you cannot think about anybody but her. She does this to you with ease. Everyone says she 'ain't' no good, but she's good for you. Everyone loves her but only for awhile.

While you think I am talking about a woman. I am thinking of New Orleans. I personified New Orleans as woman because New Orleans penetrates your soul like one. Only a woman can do what she does. She gives and gives, but the worst part about no one thinks about giving back to her. Just take, take, take. Everyday I sit and think about how I can give back to New Orleans and its rich tradition. New Orleans deserves it. She really deserves it.

For years I wondered what my talents were. I realized that I couldn't sing. I couldn't dance. I couldn't play an instrument. I always loved music. There's more to music than playing it. I dj'd for a minute in college, but it was the business side that always fascinated me. While I was Dillard University I interned for Hidden Beach Recordings at its infancy. I remembered the first time I saw Jill Scott at The Roots concert at House of Blues. It was then that I knew she would be a star. Then the following summer she hosted the superlounge with Doug E. Fresh at the Essence Music Festival. She talked about her new album, Who is Jill Scott on Hidden Beach Recordings. What? I prided myself on knowing record labels even obscure ones no one else heard about. When I got home I searched Hidden Beach Recordings on the internet. I found it and was blown away. I had to be a part of such a great company. I applied for the internship that night.

A few weeks later I received a package in the mail stating that I was accepted into the internship. It was one of the happiest day of my life (at the time). I took that internship seriously. That internship taught me to network. It actually took me out of my shell and talk to people. When you handing out free cds and promo items people are willing to talk to you. I made contacts then that I still have today. The greatest thing I took away from 'The Program' is the network of people around the country I still contact today that I can bounce ideas off of. I also made industry folks that I still have today.

Now New Orleans it's time for me to use my resources of knowledge, talents and networks to your benefit. New Orleans is so marginalized in its event promotion. We are so divided on racial lines. We party in colors. Why? There's an influx of races, colors and nationalities that make up New Orleans. Let's celebrate that. Imagine creating a space where everyone is free from labels, demands or pressures and can be themselves. Everyone's a star in New Orleans, for it's the unique people that give New Orleans its character. Think of a place where you can be exposed to the new and reminded of the ol where dancing and having a good time reign supreme. While this is my vision, it will be a reality soon enough. Laissez les bon temps roulez.

I love her... New Orleans

Last night I watched a documentary, Faubourg Treme. It was an intimate look at New Orleans and the Treme area through the eyes of Lolis Eric Elie. Lolis Eric Elie walks us through his neighborhood, Faubourg Treme as he examines the rich history and culture of a neighborhood that was home to largest community of free blacks. Faubourg Treme is rich in history and culture. Newspaperman Lolis Eric Elie and director Dawn Logsdon created a documentary that became a love story for this particular neighborhood of New Orleans. The ebony-ivory combination of Elie and Logsdon quintessentially gave a backdrop of diversity which exists within this community since its beginning.

New Orleans has been so divisive for years. Racial discrimination and ignorance kept us apart for years. Then the levees broke. Homes were flooded. Lives were destroyed. Culture and history was lost. The richness of New Orleans is its people. It's the color commentary of two Saints fans sitting at a bar on a Sunday afternoon. It's the sounds of Soul Rebels on Thursday night at Le Bon Temps Roule on Magazine Street. It's the smells of great food throughout your 'mama-n-nem' house. It's dialect of 'making groceries' instead of going to the grocery store. It's the remembrance of something great that makes us 'naturally New Orleans.' We can sit here and point fingers for the slow response to Hurricane Katrina, but it's up to us to make sure the memory of those who died and the culture lives on.

This cannot be a black-white thing. There's an influx of brown people coming to our area. We have to embrace it all. We have to understand that this is the time make something new. We have to make sure that Hurricane Katrina and the aftermatch did not happen in vain. It's up to us all New Orleanians to ensure that we can laugh, party and love as we once did. We cannot allow Katrina to take our spirit. We have to show that we are fearless. We are ready to take our city back through politics, business and culture. We need all of these things to sustain New Orleans as a viable city that like no other. New Orleans, you have made me what I am. It's time for me to help you in your need. My journey continues.

(Wo)Man in the Mirror

It was over twenty years ago, and I can still remember the first time I heard Michael Jackson sing Man in the Mirror. As soon as he crooned, "I'm gonna make a change for once in my life. It's gonna feel real good. Gonna make a difference. Gonna make it right," I knew it was a hit. Twenty years later I think I'm making that song a reality in my life. With all of the controversy surrounding his life and death Michael Jackson made songs from the heart. Man in the Mirror makes me look at myself and see what I need to do to make myself better. I know I have everything I need because I am a Divine representation.

For many years I would not look at myself in the mirror because I thought I was too ugly. I didn't want to see what was in front of me. I didn't want to confront my ugliness. Self-affirmations saved my life. I didn't smile for years because I hated my smile. I now laugh loud and proudly. I love my smile because I noticed I had dimples. Wow, where did those dimples come from? I look at my old pictures. I always had them. They are not pronounced like Lauren London, but who cares? They are mine. I love my profile picture on Facebook because I am smiling and laughing with one of my best friends, Jason.

This is the (Wo)Man in the Mirror year for me. I've taken those shackles off of my feet. I've left behind confusion, doubt and anger. I continue on my journey with a renewed sense of awareness of myself. I look in the mirror with a smile on my face. I've come to realize that the only way I can overcome my demons is to face them. I have to take them head on. It is wonderful to find your way. It's wonderful to understand that you are ready to do this. There's nothing that can stop me except myself. I'm getting out of my way and continue to pour my heart and soul in my dreams as they come to fruition. Ain't no stopping me now...

This is for you...

Last weekend I spent my time with someone I loved and continue to love to this day. I love her for her honesty and bluntness. I love her because she can call me on my shyt. And she did on a few occassions. She puts up that mirror, and I don't like what I see at times. I get over one hump, and here goes another one. She could just say that I'm wonderful and marvelous. She does when appropiate, but she also tells me when I'm not. She accepts me as I am and loves me for me. She is one of few people who I would trust with my secrets.

Nearly nine years ago I met this young girl. It's refreshing to see her and her growth. We marveled at each other's growth this weekend. She said this was her best weekend in New Orleans. At first I have to admit that I was a little hurt by that. When she explained that she was open to the experience, I understood. It was about her growth not about me. We've had an interesting relationship thus far. I really can say that I like her. She's a wonderful person. I wish I can be around her energy more often. That's what I need. I need that positive and progressive energy around me.

Nine years ago I thought I was ready for the world. Oh Sheila! But I was not. I was ready to experience the world. She was a part of that experience. I learned about myself. I learned about what I wanted. I learned about loving. I cannot deny that she means the world to me in more ways than one. I pray that she finds joy. There's nothing left to say except, "I love you!" Thank you for being the woman you are. Beautiful. Fine (that goes without saying). Confident. Talented (in many ways). Glorious. Bless. Wonderful. Thank you for the journey as it continues.

MUSIC HAS SAVE ME AND WILL SAVE YOU IF YOU LET IT

My love affair with music started very early in my life. My first albums were Culture Club and Prince's Purple Rain. My first tape was DOC. My first cd was Color Me Badd. I know, I know. You cannot clown me for that one. 'I Wanna Sex You Up' was the jam back then. My music taste is vast and open to anything that sounds good to me including country and heavy metal.

I grew up on MTV. Therefore, I loved Duran Duran, Billy Idol, Devo and Cyndi Lauper. The house I grew up in always had music going. My grandfather was a jazz enthusiast. He loved John Coltrane, Billie Holiday, Cab Calloway, Charlie 'Bird' Parker among others. My grandmother loved B. B. King and Bobby 'Blue' Bland. Blues was always playing on the record player on Saturdays as we cleaned the house. My uncle was a funk man. He loved the Funkadelics, Bar-Kays, Parliament, and Bootsy Collins. Yes, it was 'One Nation Under Funk' for him. My aunt would play the Top 8 at 8 from 98.5 (before it was oldies but goodies station) and she had this record that I eventually stole, Sugar Hill Gang's 'Rapper's Delight.' I played that record out on my little record box. When I went by my mom's place, she would play the soulful sounds of Marvin Gaye, Commodores, Ashford & Simpson and others. She also like the Carpenters, the Beatles and Rolling Stones.

I was really open to music back then. It didn't matter as long as it sound good. When I was about five years old, my favorite singers were Kenny Rogers and Donna Summer. Yes, Kenny Rogers. I watched 'The Gambler' over and over because of that song. Donna Summer was just so funky and fun. 'Last Dance' is still one of my favorite songs of all-time. As I grew up I began to get into hip-hop. The great thing since I was from the South I listened to everything. It was no coast wars here. I loved NWA and Pharcyde just as much as I loved A Tribe Called Quest and Public Enemy. Everyone was bringing something different to hip-hop. I listened to KRS-One, Kool Moe Dee, LL Cool J, Kwame and Queen Latifah. As hip-hop evolved I evolved with it. When Outkast came out, I was like, 'Wow!' But I was into 3-6 Mafia before the Oscar, Geto Boys and Scarface and UGK. Around the time I graduated from high school there was more and more hip-hop artists coming from the South and New Orleans in particular like Mystikal and Master P. I bought Master P just because he was from New Orleans and on the national scene. I was making the people at University of Oklahoma say "UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" I repped hard for my city in the OK.

I continue to love music. I just purchased Reflection Eternal's (Talib Kweli and DJ Hi-Tek) new single, Back Again, jazz artist Diana Krall, and Laura Izibor. My taste still is growing. Everyday I listen to music and realize how wonderful it unites people. That's my mission in life. I want to bring people together particularly in my hometown, New Orleans. New Orleans is still hurting since the devastation of Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath. It's going to be what unites us to make a full recovery possible. What unites us is this city, New Orleans. There's nothing like her in the rest of the world. It's the gumbo of people that makes this city so wonderful. Let's celebrate this diversity with everything we do.

Real Fathers, Please Stand Up

Sunday was Father's Day. I've never celebrated Father's Day too much. I really never had a father. My dad would come in and out my life. When I was 14, I was tired of it. I couldn't deal with my dad anymore. It was 1990, and the only father I knew, my grandfather had died from his long battle with leukemia. I was devastated. And here comes my dad trying to charm his way back to my life. Since he wasn't my grandfather, I didn't want it.

Years passed, and my dad tried again. I was 20. I'd said to myself that my grandfather would want me to try to have a relationship with him. I felt guilty because my dad was reaching out. I allowed him back into my life. This was a defining time in my life. I'd just accepted myself as a lesbian. I was out to my mother and maternal side of the family. I was spending time with my dad, but I didn't tell him. I didn't feel compel to tell him. One night after working on his computer he asked me with a shotgun to my head. In that moment I felt strong and said, "Yes, I like girls." He wanted me to get out of his house. That was fine, but he drove me there. All I wanted was for him to bring me back where he found me, my house. In his twisted mind, the reason I was a lesbian was because he wasn't in my life. With that reasoning it was his fault not mine.

Was I such a bad kid? Was I too ugly for him (even though I'm in his image)? Was he ashamed of me? He wasn't in my life. But that was just fine. For the first fourteen years of my life I had my grandfather. He gave me the love, support and encouragement. Then my uncles were always in my life. As I got older, some uncles understood more than others. Regardless I had them for support. I was always more comfortable around guys. Even when I was kid, I was on playing basketball with the big boys. It was natural for me to have men as friends as I grew up. I've got this group of guys who are like my brothers.

On Sunday I didn't call my dad to tell him 'Happy Father's Day.' While he's a better man today then he was, he's never been a father to me. It's okay because I have men around me who shows me what fatherhood is about. I texted them. I called them because they are fathers. I should have called my uncle who doesn't have any kids, but he has given me love and support when my father should have. I celebrate Father's Day with men who has done the work and continue to do the work out of love. Real fathers, please stand up.

Getting It Off My Chest

I'm an avid sports enthusiast. I love sports. I played basketball for years. I stopped my senior year because I didn't think my knee would hold up in college. I've been watching all of the sports news this week. I'm upset about the treatment of Michael Vick. Did he not pay his debt to society? One of my friends wanted me to join a group called Permanently Ban Michael Vick from the NFL. I understand that she is an animal supporter, but I think the U.S. cares more about animals than humans. The media crucified Michael Vick during the allegations. It was obvious that he was guilty until proven innocent. Hmm, that is so un-American.

This week Donte Stallworth was sentenced to 30 days of jail time and 2 year house arrest for vehicular manslaughter (DUI). His lawyer said that this was a fair punishment. He murdered a man. Michael Vick murdered dogs, and he was given 19 months in jail. There's a disparity between the two. I know some would say that Vick's crime lasted longer than Stallworth's. There's no money that can bring back this father and husband. NONE! I just don't understand this sentence for Stallworth. The media talks about the Donte Stallworth's case, but it is more in the context of NFL and Goddell's control of 'bad' behavior.

Michael Vick has paid his debt to society. If a NFL team wants to sign him, then that's on that team. Vick is a talented individual who has done some stupid, outlandish things. I don't hear about the Enron executive get crucified as Michael Vick has. Enron executives destroyed thousands of lives. America has a selective memory because Enron executives are no longer talked about. However, Michael Vick has served his prison time, and people still have great disdain for him. We shouldn't judge him. We should pray for him because he needs it. Yes, he was a multi-millionaire, but he is still a human being. He is still a child of God. I think we forget that when we criticize and judge. We should look for the good in everyone. Instead of criticizing, we should pray for these young athletes that get all of this money and have no clue how to handle the pressure or the money. We are not in that position at all. I just had to get that off my chest.

Compassion vs. Niceness... Vote for Compassion

I woke up with an epiphany. I've been too nice too long. I've allowed myself to be a doormat for others. I've been walked on in the name of 'niceness.' Not anymore. A. Kenyatta Parks does not play that sh*t. I cannot. If my niceness leaves me depleted, it has an adverse effect. For years I was trying to martyr by helping everyone else. I've set up boundaries for everyone in my life. I know when I have had enough. I speak up for myself because no one else will.

For years I tried to be nice because of my insecurities and fears. I didn't think anyone would want to be around me because of me. I used my 'niceness' to lure them in, but often I felt used. I couldn't be compassionate with others because I wasn't compassionate with myself. Everything starts with yourself even compassion. I often did nice things to get my desired result. I couldn't help anyone else until I realized how wonderful and powerful I was. It's interesting as I've been embarking on this spiritual journey of how I've learned so much about myself. I've been focusing on others for so long that I forgot about myself.

It's time to take my life back. It's time to be nice to myself. Often, I found it difficult to be compassionate when I felt hurt and when there wasn't any closure. I have to set up my boundaries and be open with others about their boundaries. I can effectively say, 'NO,' without remorse. I'm learning to be compassionate. I can demonstrate compassion when I take others' feeling into consideration while not trampling over my own in the process. I know now that I am powerful enough to give what I have without losing anything. In my compassion for others I am making myself stronger.

Be a Diamond, Not Just a Lump of Coal

A diamond is a lump of coal that does well under pressure. In times of adversity may we all shine as brightly.

This is true about every person in the world. Pressure comes from every direction, work, dreams, family, friends, and the like. Many of us fold to the pressure and remain coal. Others use pressure as a springboard to their 'shining.' The difference between the two is faith in something bigger than them. It's understanding that your current situation does not have to be your life. It's your choice to change it. The Divine allows trials and tribulations to happen to see how much faith you have in Divinity and yourself. You are Divinity incarnated. Always remember that!

At times I would ask people for help with my dreams. They would say they would do this or that. I would get upset when they didn't do it. I would stop the process of growing. I would stop doing what I set out to do. Working under pressure is contagious when others see progression. Don't stop when others do especially if that is your dream. You would love help from others, but it's your dream. You need to do whatever you need to do to attain it. It is harder, but the reward is greater as well. Keep your head up. You can do what you need to do.

I've stopped before on my dreams when I thought others bailed out on me. It's my dream. I don't get upset anymore. I continue to do what I need to work on my dreams. If that's doing everything so be it. I have to fulfill my dreams. Help comes when you least expect it. We have to continue to push on. I'm turning into to a beautiful diamond. What about you? I only hang with diamonds. See the diamond in yourself so we can shine so brightly together.

Being Wealthy Has NOTHING to do with Money

I woke up today and realized how free I am. I am not free because I have stacks of money. Sometimes that is limiting. I am free because I have the right to choose. Often I hear freedom and the acquisition of money are in the same breathe. They are not the same. Actually it is far from it. The acquisition of money can be restricting. A lot of times particularly African-Americans have to create a mirage of position. Why? I do not understand. I've learned to say I don't have it. I am not ashamed. It doesn't limit me because I've learned ways to enjoy myself without money. Remember when we were young we created fun because we didn't have. Let's go back to that! I refuse to try to keep up with the Joneses especially in this economy. Keeping up with the Joneses will have you broke. If the Joneses are your friends they love you with or without the BMW or Rolex. Then ask yourself, "Would the Divine care if you had a BMW or a Rolex?" If it's no, then it doesn't mean what those Joneses think.

I thought that having money would solve my problems. If I only had a million dollars, I thought my life would be better. Mo' money, mo' problems! Family members and friends think that you can provide whenever, whatever or however they need it. You don't know who loves you for you and not your money. It seems that money complicates things. I am not saying that I will turn down money because I know my worth. I am not striving to make more money, but I know that money does not equal to joy. Being joyful has nothing to do with money because it comes from within. Being joyful is knowing that through trials and tribulations that there's a lesson to learn and nothing else. When bad things happen to us we shouldn't harp on them and let it hinder us from moving forward.

When I read that money is the root of all evil, I do not agree. If the acquisition of money is your purpose in life, then there's something wrong with that. Money is a man-made entity. I feel wealthy right now because I have friends and family that believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself. As I've stated in other blogs, we have everything we need right now. We have the talents and intelligence to do whatever we are born to do. My friends have a wealth of knowledge that we share with each other. By sharing this knowledge we understand that we all have something to offer. I continue to learn and share. Now I have to share with the world my wealth. The time is now. Here I go!

Respect Everyone!

Good morning, world. I have awaken to new possibilities and growth. I am willing to be patient with myself and others. We are all learning and growing into our own. Yet sometimes it seems some people are stuck on stupid. These people could have their doctorate like "Early" (Dwan, thank you for that one). These people could be president of a country (See former President). It does not matter what their profession are, but they feel like they are better because of their position or labels. Labels does not mean anything to me when I am having a conversation. What a person can bring to the conversation is the only thing I will base their worthiness on. I've met people, and the first thing out of their mouth is what do you do for a living. My career does not supersede who I am.

When I decided to go back to college (after graduating with an Engineering degree), I worked at a coffee shop. Many of the people I met there were in school as well. Some people could not understand why I was so loved by many. I will tell you people. I am wonderful. I am intelligent. Some say sexy. You know I have to agree. I am charming. But most of all, I am true to myself. When some wondered why I was so popular, I just smiled and shrugged because they didn't know greatness when they saw it. How stupid is that! (Smile!) No one has to belittle others to show how great they are. These are insecurities. I used to have them, but I never belittled anyone to show how wonderful I was. That is sick.

Therefore, I welcome all who has something to say to my circle of associates. Very few can get in my circle of friends. I welcome all to come try because this circle is wonderful. I welcome healthy conversation and debates. I welcome all who has convictions and knowledge about life and love. I welcome you. For the people who turn their noses up to some (for lack of education, others), the ones you pass up going up and the same ones you will pass up coming down. Remember that! Respect all, for everyone is a Divine creation.

To the one...

When do you know that you've met the one? Yes, I am talking about the one who you will spend the rest of your life with. Yes, this person will learn more about you than almost anybody else. I've been in a few relationships, and I've given my heart when I shouldn't have. I've broken hearts. I've had my heart cracked. It never was broken because I don't think I gave myself totally. I never gave a woman the real me. I always saved that for my friends. I guess I never truly fell in love until now.

I've been playing the field. I'm willing to give myself to her. Yes, her. She is the one that allow me to be myself. She understands that I need my space and gives it to me. She does not call me when I am out late. All she asks is that I come home. Home. That is where she is. She created this home for me. I took her for granted for so long. In my hiatus (of leaving the relationship) she stayed steadfast in the fact that we should be together. I left her, tried something else, but she remained. I apologize to her for the tears that flowed because of me. Oh my goodness!

I am ready. I am ready to settle down giving myself to her. She is the one. She is my friend first. I tell her the truth. She sees me as I am, and she loves me as is. I am happy. It is time to tell her. I love you!

CHOICES!

Yesterday I met one of my good friends' girlfriend for the first time. We talked about her future after receiving her Master's in Entertainment Business. She talked about how she ONLY did a few projects and was not ready for the 'big time.' My heart laughed and frowned at the same time. I remembered when I used to say that ALL THE TIME. I remembered when I didn't glorify my Divine gifts as Divine. I remembered when I chose out of default. This wasn't but a short time ago that I didn't truly acknowledge how wonderful I am.

Sometimes I used to second guess myself about everything because I did not feel I deserved it. I wanted it, but why me? I'm asking myself why not me now because I've accepted that I am a Divine representation. All that is Divine is me. I am wonderful. I am intelligent. I am compassionate. I am loving. I've learned that I have to make choices accordingly. I refuse to live by default. I am going out and just doing it. Even in failure and setbacks I'm learning and growing. If I become stagnant that I lose myself into defeat.

I understand her (my friend's girlfriend) resistant to change. I've learned that the only constant is change. Change will occur even if she initiate it or doesn't. Living by default is not fun because I hate feeling regretful. Today's lesson is to choose. Having a choice is the greatest thing about being human. Even if you choose wrong you can learn from it. Then you can choose something else. You're growing as a person. When you allow a situation choose you, you're living by default. Then you're in reactionary mode. Life is a series of choices. Today I choose to live life and love like I've never have. Today I choose to go out and get what I want. Today I choose to see the truth. Today I choose to let go and let God. Today I choose to be the person I was born to be.

Celebrating Small Victories

This morning I woke up at 3:00am. I got back in bed, but my body was not resting. I started to think about my day. I go to work for 7:00am to 3:30pm. Then I have to go see The Hangover with my little brother, and one of my friends is in town this weekend. I rolled over and got up. Yes, I got up and went to the gym for over two hours. I did an hour of cardio and then worked on chest and biceps. I am very proud of myself. I could have gone back to bed. Then I would have hated myself tomorrow. I have to make those choices to be better and do better because I am working on my body, mind and soul.

One thing I've learned is to acceptance. I've learned to accept both good and bad. I can change the bad, but I have to accept the fact the bad is in my life. According to Iyanla Vanzant, 'acceptance is a sign of courage.' It is courageous to acknowledge something bad about yourself. This acceptance allows me to make a conscious choice to change. One thing I know is the only constant is change. Might as well make that change for the better. The next thing I need to work on is patience with myself and with desired results as I continue to work on my body, mind and soul.

By acknowledging this morning I am celebrating a small victory. By reading this morning I celebrate a small victory. By writing this I am celebrating a small victory. It's sometimes good to acknowledge yourself and your small victories to continue on the path of enlightenment. We are all on our own personal journeys. While traveling on this road to enlightenment we must accept the fact that we are Divine representations. When bumps in the road appear we must trust our abilities to overcome them. For me it's cardio at the gym. I hate it, but I keep my eyes on the prize. I may not have my six-pack right now, but I have to trust the fact that if I continue to eat right, work out rigorously and consistently that I will get my desired result. What's a small victory you can celebrate?

The Reason Why I Write

A few months ago I reunited with an old friend. It was crazy. I was at one of my old hangouts that day when she came to town. I hadn't seen that friend in over five years. Well, we started talking about how she started writing a blog about her 'top 35 things to do before 35.' She said that if we wrote it on a blog that we would make each other more responsible about our dreams and making them a reality. I agreed so I wrote mine. It was empowering. We read each other's. We gave each other encouragement about making our dreams a reality because some of the 'things' were things we had to overcome some fears to do.

Then something else happened. I got addicted to writing in my blog. I felt like I had something to say. For once in my life I felt what I had to say mattered. We often go through life like we don't matter. I wrote for me. My blog is to get my thoughts and dreams out of my head and make it tangible for everyone to see. It's crazy. I didn't write it for others. However, if it helps someone else to know that they are not alone in their thoughts and feelings, I am becoming a vessel. I am a Divine vessel. As this vessel I can show how great the Divine is if we believe and trust in something that is bigger than us. Sometimes our ego gets in the way and we think our current state will be permanent. Nothing is permanent. It does not have to be. As the old saying goes, "The only constant is change."

We can change our current state by changing our perspective. For if our current state is not where we want it to be, change your attitude and start doing better for yourself. It's alright sometimes to ask for help. The Divine is always listening and always answers your prayers. Don't forget to be patient because the Divine works on Divine time, not yours. Again, be patient and let the Divine work as needed. Trust in the Divine for what you need. That's what I've been doing with this blog. Every day I write, and I begin to see me for what I am. That's a Divine representation. I am Divinely human becoming a 'working perfection' as Ossie Davis said. So I write today and almost every day to show how open, honest and Divine I am. This is the reason I write.

Distinguish between Opportunities

About a month ago I talked to a the manager of Whiskey Blue about doing a LGBT (Lesbians, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) event at his spot. We talked and talked, and my event was transformed into something different. I was happy about the opportunity to meet him because Whiskey Blue is a respectable, upscale club in the New Orleans area. As I talked it over with my business partners, I realized it wasn't our vision anymore. We became something different. For a second I became what I didn't want to become like the rest of the promoters in New Orleans, fakers.

Eyes Wide Open - New Orleans is a promotion company that cares about clientele it is servicing. I am a member of this group. As I have a lot of friends that are heterosexuals, there are still some things that they do not get because they do not live it. My heterosexuals can and have empathize with me but along the way it becomes sympathy. I don't need sympathy. I am not belittling my friendships, but sometimes they don't understand. It's ok. For sometimes I want to go to the gay/lesbian club, many do not feel comfortable so I don't ask. Enough about them my focus for EWO - NOLA is LGBT members. LGBT members are often castaways. However, they are economic volcano waiting to explode. In case you didn't know, LGBT members and heterosexual people have a big disparity between disposable income with LGBT 'coming out' on top. Statistics show this.

As a member of the LGBT community I cannot water down our events for profits. This is something that is close to my heart. I have to be careful when making business decisions. I realized that Whiskey Blue was not good for the first place for Eyes Wide Open - New Orleans. That gives me more time with the behind-the-scenes shaninigans. I have to go to my maps, others before me, to make this work. I want the haters to come out because that means I'm doing something right. It's time for me to work on this plan. Things will fall into place with prayer, meditation and action. Prayer + Meditation + Action = Results. Even with unfavorable results I can learn what I should do and what shouldn't I do. Let the journey continue.

Finding Your Passion

I wake up in the morning and sometimes I dread going to work. But then I find my way back to it. I love the interaction between people (good/bad). I figured out I was a people person. Sometimes I am not passionate about my current job. I feel bad about it, but then I realize that I am a working perfection. Since going to a new job I am steadfast about my decisions. I am being more authoritative. I am in more command. I practicing skills that I need to master to run my own company. This is all a process that will get me to wonderful results.

For years I could not find my passion because I was good at many things. I was good at math. I went to the University of Oklahoma to get an Engineering degree. I love music. I hate hand-to-hand promotions. It seems that's where everyone has to start. STOP! I am making excuses. I have to realize that I have to start somewhere. I love interaction between myself and others. Use this as an attribute in my endeavors. If I want to do event promotions as a full-time job, I have to start with a map. Others have succeeded and failed. I have to ask both to tell their stories. Use the maps to steer me in the right direction.

Did I say that? I love music. I love all kinds of music. I buy music on a weekly basis. I read about the musicians. I learn about their inspirations. That inspires me. My favorite album of all-time is John Coltrane's A Love Supreme. John Coltrane was passionate about his saxophone and to recreate music. There were others before him, but he used his 'special skills' to separate himself from the others. Almost every saxophone since he has graced the earth says that John Coltrane is one of their musical heroes. John Coltrane left his imprint on music. He found his passion.

I am passionate about music. I love jazz. I love soul music. I love hip-hop. I love some rock. I love some alternative. I like some country. I even like some heavy metal. New Orleans is a music city. However, we do not have music business as it should be. My passion is make New Orleans a prominent city for not only music but for music business. Every major concert has to stop here. We should have more music festivals during the summer i.e. Chicago. We should cultivate our music and musicians i.e. Atlanta. We should represent our city harder than anyone i.e. New York. I have work to do, but I've found my passion. When my dream a reality, I just want you to know that I told you so.

Start Where You Are

Often we forget that we have talents, knowledge and resources in our current state. We often look at what we do not have instead of what we do. Often we focus on the lack of than the plentiful we have. Our cup is always half full. The positivity have to overpower the negativity to get to your rightful place in life. It took me thirty-two years to realize that I have so much to offer as a person, friend, and lover. The Divine wants you to do well, but you have to go through a journey of trials and tribulations to show your strength and perserverance. Yes, you are one of the Divine's greatest creations. I am, too. That's why we have to get up and start where you are.

Take inventory of your talents, knowledge and resources. Start with what you have and go from there. There will be bumps in the road. They are not roadblocks. You can maneuver around these. Keep praying and meditating. Be patient. We just have to 'get up' as Mary Mary sings and do what we need to do. If we stop trying, we will never get to where we want. It's like working out. If we stop working out, we will never get to the desired result that we want. We have to celebrate the small victories as well as the big ones. Every twenty-four hours should be a continuance of your journey. You should be closer to your goals every day. That's what I am working on. I am reading, praying, meditating, and doing to fulfill to my personal, business and spiritual goals.

I am getting closer and closer to my personal and spiritual goals. I am loving myself with such greatness. I wish I could kiss myself (LOL!). I am such a wonderful person. My relationship with the Divine is stronger because I am letting the Divine to take the lead in my life. If I do not have any friends, I have the Divine. The Divine loves me so much that I have great family and friends in my life. I don't have to name them because they know who they are. I am truly blessed. I don't get on my knees as much as I should, but I pray every day to the Divine . I pray for strength, wisdom and courage to get through each day. My goal is to be better than the day before. I am on my way. Thank you!

A Moment of Clarity

Tears flowed not for the love lost but for the love gained. I'd realized I had to let her go to begin loving again. I put all my eggs in one basket. I'm sorry, MawMaw. My grandmother told me to never put all my eggs in one basket. I had too many eggs in that basket, and it would eventually break. By letting go it allows my heart to open up to new possibilities. I cannot look back and just look at the mistakes I have made. This is my journey. My life is unfolding as it should. I have to put TRUST in the Divine to give me what I need when I need it. I cannot worry about things I ultimately do not have any control over.

This brings me back to the Serenity Prayer. I've read the Serenity Prayer over and over taking it as is. Doing research for the blog I discovered that Karl Paul Reinhold Niebuhr reportedly wrote it in 1926. Niebuhr was a Lutheran pastor and theologian. Usually we only read the first two verses of the prayer, but the whole prayer adds to the transformative power of words.

GOD, grant me the serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change,

Courage to change the
things I can, and the
wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardship as the
pathway to peace.

Taking, as the Divine did, this
sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it.

Trusting that the Divine will make
all things right if I
surrender to the Divine's Will;

That I may be reasonably happy
in this life, and supremely
happy with the Divine forever in
the next.

Amen

These words are transformative. My being feels brand new. I can take on the world without regards to the negativity. It's there but why should it dominate your mind. It is true about me, and it is true about you. It is also true that we have created a pretty ugly world. There's a simple correction process to this way of thinking. Start each day by seeing it in the way you would want it to be. See yourself handling everything in life with grace and effectively. Be patient with yourself when the results you want don't come on your time clock. Don't forget that you're living on the Divine's time. The Divine is always on time. There will be days that your ego will show back up. You will get angry, afraid, and sometimes just hateful. Remember where you are, pray to the Divine and then calm down.

Once you calm down think about the situation and learn from it. Understand why you got angry, afraid or hateful. You may have to avoid that situation until you're emotionally ready to deal with it. It's ok to know your limitations which are none. There's infinite possibilities, for we are made in the image of the Divine. Don't forget this! While those tears flowed the other day I had an epiphany. For the first time I listened to the Divine through my temporary insanity. A moment of clarity invaded my being. For the first time in a long time I was free. My thoughts of what love should be shackled my ability to actually love. Now I am free, and love is flowing abound.

Do Not Hate! Congratulate!

Yesterday my status on Facebook was 'A. Kenyatta Parks doesn't hate on anyone because there's no blessings in that!' While I have been focusing on what others do or do not do, I have to put all of my energies in making me better. I say leave the hateration to the haters. Leave that negativity to the negative people. You do not want to get sucked in that negativity because people will bring you down with them. This crab mentality permeates our society in every aspect. Instead of enjoying your journey as is we want to keep up with the Joneses. I'm tired of comparing myself to anyone because there's only one Anisa Kenyatta Parks. I am the unique representation of the Divine. I have to act according to Divine laws. I have to remember those old sayings like 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you' or 'Believe your first mind.' But essentially you will not receive blessings because due to someone else's misfortunes. Put your energies in yourself and stop the hating. The world would be a better place if we focused on our shortcomings instead of others.

I will not lie to you and said that I didn't have any hateration in my heart. Yes, I did. I especially used to hate when someone chose another over me. I often looked at what they didn't have and not what they were bringing to the table. I've learned that if it's not meant to be... move on. While we were are harping on the love lost, we can build up our self-love. When you love yourself, others flock to you because they want that positive energy in their life. No one likes to be around a person that is always complaining. There's always something to be joyful. When we wake up in the morning we should be joyful because we can change every day. We can pray and meditate about making our situation better. We can literally go from rags to riches, but it doesn't matter if we do not have faith in something bigger than you.

I write this having to apologize to many who I've hated on. I am human. I will probably do it again but not proudly. I will learn from this hating and focus on ME! Every day I write, read, pray and meditate to find the answers to my journey's questions. My affirmations help me against hating. I don't want to have something because someone lost but because I won. I cannot celebrate someone else's defeat, but I definitely will celebrate my victory. My victory is a result of patience, knowledge, wisdom and action. Victory will be mine.

In my victory I will have to congratulate my opponents for being formidable. They will drive me to do my best and hopefully vice-versa. Stop hating, for it's not productive. Congratulate with a love in your heart. It is then that we grow into the Divine beings we are.

The Art of Loving

For years I disguised my need for love with sex. Anything I need to know about sex I learned from books, partners and friends. If I couldn't do anything else, I knew how to (you know). About six years ago I realized that I wanted more. I was twenty-six and hadn't been in a meaningful relationship. Depression set in. Questions of 'what was wrong with me' and 'why doesn't anybody love me' entered my head. As I thought about it I realized that I didn't learn about love like I wanted to learn about sex. I didn't attack love as a subject and working extension of me. I often associated love with a mushy, touchy feely kind of thing that wasn't me.

Now I can courageously claim the search for love as an heroic journey we all must choose to be truly free. For I need to be free from my past, the self-defeating image of my body, and the notion that no one can love me. I have to continue to independently love myself as I am and change the things I want. By embracing myself as someone to love others can see and want to be around someone full of joy and enlightenment. This journey is personal and prescriptive as well as passionate and provoking. This journey of self-love guides me toward a path that leads to true fulfillment.

As I enter into a realm where I truly love myself I can celebrate the art of loving as it is. I can love freely without boundaries or definitions. When I speak of love, it's not pretty sometimes. The truth hurts sometimes and in any loving relationship you have to be truthful. If we love we cannot allow the 'ego' to get in the way. We have to love with our body, mind and soul. We have to love as the Divine loves us unconditionally. For we have to understand that love is a one-way street. Just because we love doesn't mean that we will be loved in return. Understand this for all we need is the love of the Divine and self-love. We are worthy of love because we are born into this world. We are created as the image of the Divine. We are love personified. Now I continue on my journey for self-love.

Being Joyful

Good morning! This is a new day to put action to my words. I wake up today with a new sense of joy. I am joyful to being alive. This is a new day to change how I am into the woman I was born to be. Every day is a blessing because every day I can learn from the past and elevate my game. Unlike Lebron James I do not need a team to win a championship. I will win when I know I am free from all of the bullshyt of denial, fear and pain. When my first choice is love, faith and hope I've overcame and won. This is an internal process that I cannot allow anyone to deter me from. I have to understand that I cannot share myself with anyone until I know what I have to share. I've been getting down on myself about not being in committed relationship in my 30s. I have to have an intimate relationship with myself before I can truly commit to someone else. I understand that. I am fully aware of my faults. I want to change, and today is a new day. I have the ability to change. I have to be patient with myself, but permanent change will not happen overnight. I have to give myself leeway (more like an inch not a mile).

I'm looking outside my window, and it will be a beautiful day not because the sun is shining or the clouds are not gray. It's the day. It's understanding that my light shines from within outward. It's understanding that nothing can deter me from changing except me. I cannot blame anything. Accepting responsibility is not the same accepting guilt. We cannot be guilty about being human. It's a process. We all have different journeys. We cannot be jealous of the next man's journey, for he/she may have something you have and vice versa. For example I may look at a friend and say he has it all (cars, houses, money, etc), and he look at me and say I have it all (peace, love, self-awareness). When you look at someone you cannot look at the monetary things. Like my grandmother said, "You cannot bring your gold with you to heaven." Work on the things that you can control (your actions), have faith in the Divine and let the chips fall where they may. Trust the Divine and know that you have everything that you need at any particular given time.

Once you have the trust in Divine Order, you can have that joy in your heart that tells you that you will be ok. My boy Terance stated that he "often wonder how someone can rejoice or be joyful all the time especially during difficult experiences? Unlike happiness which is based on circumstances, joy is a positive and confident outlook on life despite our circumstances. Knowing that Divine is in control and that love surrounds us gives security and confidence. No matter what happens, we should (have) delight in the Divine and praise the Divine for the goodness we have." I leave you with that!

My Journey

There is a Divine Order to everything in life. It is for this reason that exactly where you are at any given time in life is exactly where you should be according to the Divine unfolding of your consciousness and life.

It's not about what I want, but what I can handle at any particular time in my life. I'm going on a journey of truth. This truth will bring me total awareness, love and respect for the Divine. I will live my life according to the Truth of the Divine. I cannot think about what I have not done thus far. I have to think about what I can do now to ensure my future is bright. I cannot allow my past to dictate my future. I cannot allow generational hang-ups to dictate it either. I have to believe that I can break a pattern of victimization, lack of self-love and drive to become a divine woman.

Many teachers said, "Follow your first thought" when I was doing a test. I never thought I was good enough so I often changed the answer to the wrong one. I never had complete faith in myself. I often was told that I was intelligent, but it didn't matter because I didn't believe it. Maybe it wasn't that I didn't believe it, but I wanted more. I wanted to be intelligent, sexy and beautiful all at the same thing. I realize now that I was all of those things. I should not need external confirmation. All I need is an internal affirmation. We all have days that we are not the most beautiful, but that's when we pray and then meditate to reaffirm what we already know is truth. Now I have to take every day with the strength and knowledge how great I am.

'You must do your own independent investigation of truth.' Powerful words that shows that we all are on a journey to uncovering truth about universal laws. Only way you know that you have found truth is that it will set you free. The truth will free you from habitual fears the process of life can impose upon you. The truth will eliminate your need to be anything other than what you already are... DIVINE. The truth is we have everything we need right now. We have to use our talents and abilities to best of our abilities. We have to ask the Divine for guidance and strength to fulfill our prophecy in life.

I have to remind myself daily that I am the perfect and unique representative of all that the Divine is. I am equipped to handle anything that is thrown my way. This process will help me remember and practice the truth of my soul. Just support me on my journey. Thank you!

Same-Sex Marriage, a hot button issue

Yesterday I watched Dr. Phil. I know. I know. You're like Dr. Phil is wack. I said the same thing, but it was the subject that caught my attention. It was about same-sex marriage and the importance of Prop 8. Dr. Phil brought together key players of each side of this controversial and emotionally-charged issue. In support of gay marriage is attorney Gloria Allred, president of the Human Rights Campaign and equal rights advocate Joe Solmonese and San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom. Opposing gay marriage is pastor of Skyline Church Jim Garlow, president of the National Organization of Marriage Margaret Gallagher and co-campaign manager for the Yes on 8 Campaign Jeff Flint. As an lesbian I feel that it is my constitutional right to love and be with whomever I desire. This is America, and we can have emotionally-charged discussions about this subject. While I watched the show all I saw was to continuously forcing a will on the other side. There was no understanding. You can say what you will about your position. For a discussion the work we have to listen the other side. It’s a hot-button topic in California and around the country: The passage of Proposition 8, which reinstated a ban on same-sex marriage. Supporters of this initiative voted to preserve the sanctity of marriage solely between a man and a woman. Opponents of Prop 8 say it violates the constitutional rights of the gay community and that America’s laws should treat everyone equally.

There's many people who believe that the institution of marriage is a very sacred and religious entity between man and woman. I disagree, but if you give me the same rights under the word, 'civil union.' Let's take a step forward. Many times activists get hung up on symantics. One of the major underlining problem is that a gay or lesbian couple can be together for a number of years (10, 20, 30...) and will not have rights at the hospital (They are not immediate family), over the house they built together, children they raised together or these issues. I do not care if you do not like me as a lesbian. If I choose to love a woman, that's my decision. If I choose to give my partner an inheritance, I should not have to go through legal hoops to do so. It is not fair for a family that has disowned a gay man be given legal rights of his property just because he doesn't have legal documentation that says he was his 'partner' for life.

The advocates of Prop 8 does not want sanctions against its clergy if same-sex marriages are allowed, and they do not perform these marriages (civil unions). Let's not force them to do so. For now I think they should be legislation that states that there won't be sanctions or recourse to these clergy who feels so strongly about it. There are celebrations of same-sex unions in every city. If gays/lesbians want to get marriaged or a civil union, there will be someone to do it.

I read recently on a blog on Facebook from a former classmate on how being gay was an abomination to God. I simply respond to that like this, "Don't throw stones when your house is made of glass." These religous people all have something to say, but they have their skeletons in their closets. I am just out of the closet, and willing to face whatever persecution that come my way. I pray every day. I meditate every day. I am a child of God. As Tupac said, "Only God can judge me."

Back to this subject at hand, I don't think we should force people to marry gays/lesbians. We should have the constitutional right in our 'pursuit of happiness." Let me leave you with this. How does a lesbian/gay union affect the institution of marriage?