Real Fathers, Please Stand Up

Sunday was Father's Day. I've never celebrated Father's Day too much. I really never had a father. My dad would come in and out my life. When I was 14, I was tired of it. I couldn't deal with my dad anymore. It was 1990, and the only father I knew, my grandfather had died from his long battle with leukemia. I was devastated. And here comes my dad trying to charm his way back to my life. Since he wasn't my grandfather, I didn't want it.

Years passed, and my dad tried again. I was 20. I'd said to myself that my grandfather would want me to try to have a relationship with him. I felt guilty because my dad was reaching out. I allowed him back into my life. This was a defining time in my life. I'd just accepted myself as a lesbian. I was out to my mother and maternal side of the family. I was spending time with my dad, but I didn't tell him. I didn't feel compel to tell him. One night after working on his computer he asked me with a shotgun to my head. In that moment I felt strong and said, "Yes, I like girls." He wanted me to get out of his house. That was fine, but he drove me there. All I wanted was for him to bring me back where he found me, my house. In his twisted mind, the reason I was a lesbian was because he wasn't in my life. With that reasoning it was his fault not mine.

Was I such a bad kid? Was I too ugly for him (even though I'm in his image)? Was he ashamed of me? He wasn't in my life. But that was just fine. For the first fourteen years of my life I had my grandfather. He gave me the love, support and encouragement. Then my uncles were always in my life. As I got older, some uncles understood more than others. Regardless I had them for support. I was always more comfortable around guys. Even when I was kid, I was on playing basketball with the big boys. It was natural for me to have men as friends as I grew up. I've got this group of guys who are like my brothers.

On Sunday I didn't call my dad to tell him 'Happy Father's Day.' While he's a better man today then he was, he's never been a father to me. It's okay because I have men around me who shows me what fatherhood is about. I texted them. I called them because they are fathers. I should have called my uncle who doesn't have any kids, but he has given me love and support when my father should have. I celebrate Father's Day with men who has done the work and continue to do the work out of love. Real fathers, please stand up.