Growth

Good morning, everyone. I haven't been doing my blogs as often as I used to, but I am getting back to it. I had to do some inventory this weekend. I had to look at the bad habits that I often project when I feel trapped. I often disappear and go off the radar when something's wrong. I fell off the radar this time because I was stressing. As I stressed I increasingly got mad with myself. Counterproductive! I hadn't talked to my favorite aunt in almost two months. She'd been calling me, and I'd been avoiding her for I knew I couldn't lie to her when she asked the question, "How are you doing?" Then I would have to spill all of my beans. I wasn't ready for that yet. I was still wrestling with my problem. I hadn't seen my friends in over a month. I'm becoming those Cancers in my life (LOL! - you know who you are). Yesterday I finally realized that these are the times I need my family and friends the most. I still didn't think my problems were revelant enough to talk with them.

My favorite aunt called me Saturday when I was stressing. I talked to her for about two seconds and got off the phone. I cannot believe I did that. Not her. I felt guilty all day. I had to call her back. I had to tell her why I'd fell off the radar. I know she was just concerned. I probably made it worse for her. I didn't call right then and there. I waited until yesterday. I was sitting around the house milling around. I didn't want to do anything. Then I realized that I don't exercise when something is bothering me. I should to get that euphoria feeling after a workout. When I got to the gym it was raining hard. It was time. I called my aunt, and we talked. We have the same problems. After talking for awhile I apologized for my actions. She told me when I'm going through it is when I need my family and friends the most. That's true, but I know everyone has problems. I don't want to bother them with my problems.

STOP IT, ANISA! You hurt just like everyone else. You have problems like everyone. You are not superwoman. I am not superwoman. I have problems like everyone else. I hurt just like everyone else. My friends and family can listen as I listen to them. I am deserving of that. I don't have to shoulder everything by myself. I am a part of this world. Let me start believing that. I am a great person. I have wonderful friends. I'm not alone. I have God every step the way. I cannot forget that. Those footprints in the sand are God's, for the Divine is carrying me as I get through this.