Honesty...

Yesterday I went through the process of 'coming clean' with a friend. I did, and I think I've lost her forever. It's okay though because I had to be honesty with her. I owed that to her. I owed that to myself. This past week I've reviewed my life. Some things I'm very proud about, and some things I'm not so happy about. The reality of all is all of these are me. They all are a part of me. If I have things I want to change, I have to change them no matter what the repercussions are. Does it hurt? Hell yes. I couldn't do anymore not to her. She gave me her all, and I was giving well less than that. I faltered because I didn't want to deal the painful entities about myself. I didn't want to uncover the mask of heroism that she could see past anyway because she was my friend.

My eyes well up thinking that I've lost someone so wonderful. The consolation was she was happy that I was finally forthright and honest with her, but maybe just maybe it was too late (for her). That was a consequence that I had to risk because I couldn't go on like that anymore. I had to open up and uncover the layers. Risky? Yes. Painful? Of course. Worth it? Yes. In the wake I know that I have to be honest if it hurt either one of us because in the end we will both hurt. Or maybe I've saved our relationship, but it will take time to repair. I will put forth the blood, sweat and tears to make that happen because she is worth it.

I know some will read this and think this is some romantic thing. It's not. It's about loving anyone. She deserves me to love her with all that's me. She has rocked my soul with her honesty and love. I don't want her to take that away from me. If she has to, I understand. I hope she doesn't.