The Year of the Phoenix Rising

The Year of the Saints. For Saints fans that's every year. Every year we gear up for a season. The Saints may start 6-0 then it goes downhill from there. Only year that was magical was 2006. The offseason was our best to date. We hired an offensive minded firecracker in Sean Payton. We took a chance on Drew Brees after his shoulder injury. The Houston Texans drafted Mario Williams, and we could draft Reggie Bush, the most explosive college player in recent history. Unbeknownst to most we drafted with our final pick Marques Colston which would prove to be the best steal of the game.

September 25, 2006 we knew it would be a magical year. It was the first game in the Louisiana Superdome since Hurricane Katrina. The Saints were playing our arch rivals Atlanta Falcons at home. It was Monday Night Football on prime time television. On the fourth play of the game backup safety Steve Gleason blocked the punt and defensive back Curtis Deloacth fell on the ball in the endzone for the Saints' first score. The Superdome erupted. As I watched on television I could remember a year before when I was in the Superdome sitting uncertain, scared, and powerless. Yes, I went to the Superdome as Hurricane Katrina approached. My grandmother (bed ridden), mother and brother and I fled to the Superdome. While walking in the mass hysteria I met a couple who was vacationing in New Orleans from New York. They couldn't get a flight out of New Orleans. The pain of their eyes haunts me today.

As I watched the game I thought about telling my mother to leave my brother and me. God would protect us. She left with my grandmother on an ambulance. That's when I broke down. My brother and I were looking for the family we made friends with just a day before. In that chaos I wanted something familiar. I searched and searched. I got frustrated. My brother heard it in my voice. My vulnerability reared its ugly head. I kept thinking not now. I had to be strong if not only for myself but for my little brother who was 16 at the time. My frustration led me to sit in the sea of people and cry. My brother told me he needed to use the restroom. Desperately, I told him that he'd better come back. He did with the good news of finding our 'new family.' That day I saw my brother becoming a man not just the little boy I once knew. He was my protector as much I was his. Not only we found that family after a few mishaps with FEMA (long story) at the New Orleans Arena we decided to walk out of there and go home on the Westbank.

I never thought I would walk across the Mississippi River Bridge, but I did at least halfway. When we got to the final entrance to get the Westbank a couple of guys in a truck told us that he would take us to DeGaulle. We got in with our 'new family.' We walked back to my grandmother's house unaware how much devastation had taken place to our wonderful city, New Orleans. It was there that my aunt called my grandmother's house by mistake and I answered. At least my family was connected at least by phone. Once they knew everyone called my grandmother's houe to check on us. Then my estranged uncle called and said that someone was picking us to bring us to Houston to be with him.

Houston would become my home for two years. New Jersey would become my brother's home for two years as he finished and graduated from high school. But all of those memories came rushing back as I watched Green Day and U2 played 'The Saints are Coming.' As I think about those memories even today some are painful, I know that I can get through anything. I've accomplished many things since Hurricane Katrina. I've become a better person since then. I'm becoming more patient with myself, for I know that I can and will. Now Saints it's 2009. We've picked up some key players in the offseason on defense. It's time to shine not just for winning sake. We have to show that we can and will overcome anything. I know I will.

Growth

Good morning, everyone. I haven't been doing my blogs as often as I used to, but I am getting back to it. I had to do some inventory this weekend. I had to look at the bad habits that I often project when I feel trapped. I often disappear and go off the radar when something's wrong. I fell off the radar this time because I was stressing. As I stressed I increasingly got mad with myself. Counterproductive! I hadn't talked to my favorite aunt in almost two months. She'd been calling me, and I'd been avoiding her for I knew I couldn't lie to her when she asked the question, "How are you doing?" Then I would have to spill all of my beans. I wasn't ready for that yet. I was still wrestling with my problem. I hadn't seen my friends in over a month. I'm becoming those Cancers in my life (LOL! - you know who you are). Yesterday I finally realized that these are the times I need my family and friends the most. I still didn't think my problems were revelant enough to talk with them.

My favorite aunt called me Saturday when I was stressing. I talked to her for about two seconds and got off the phone. I cannot believe I did that. Not her. I felt guilty all day. I had to call her back. I had to tell her why I'd fell off the radar. I know she was just concerned. I probably made it worse for her. I didn't call right then and there. I waited until yesterday. I was sitting around the house milling around. I didn't want to do anything. Then I realized that I don't exercise when something is bothering me. I should to get that euphoria feeling after a workout. When I got to the gym it was raining hard. It was time. I called my aunt, and we talked. We have the same problems. After talking for awhile I apologized for my actions. She told me when I'm going through it is when I need my family and friends the most. That's true, but I know everyone has problems. I don't want to bother them with my problems.

STOP IT, ANISA! You hurt just like everyone else. You have problems like everyone. You are not superwoman. I am not superwoman. I have problems like everyone else. I hurt just like everyone else. My friends and family can listen as I listen to them. I am deserving of that. I don't have to shoulder everything by myself. I am a part of this world. Let me start believing that. I am a great person. I have wonderful friends. I'm not alone. I have God every step the way. I cannot forget that. Those footprints in the sand are God's, for the Divine is carrying me as I get through this.

Transformations

I'm tired of the same old way of not believing in myself. It's time to get up and do it. It's no time like the present. I have to see what the present is, a gift. Since I'm going through a rough patch, I have to see it as temporary. Never again can I stop believing in me, for no one else will. It's time to go into the world and be the world's best at something. Everyone cannot be Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates or Barack Obama, but they can be the world's best with whatever powers, talents and gifts that God gave us. This week I've been examining what are my gifts. For so long I didn't think I had any talents of value. I do.

One of my gifts is my ability to talk to different people. I've noticed that people enjoying conversing with me. I put them at ease. I've been told that I have certain charm that everyone wants to be around (except my Starbucks partners LOL). I've understand that I like people and diversity in particular. At Eleanor Laura McMain Magnet Secondary School I was exposed to diversity in many ways. It was an interesting dynamic, for many were shunned because of their differences. I was scolded at times, but I learned to interact with many. I was in this catch-22, for I knew many but was friends to very few. High school wasn't my highlight. When you're going through it, you don't realize that the best is ahead of you. Years later I met people and create lifelong friends. Then I realized that I wasn't the only one who felt awkward in high school. It was a learning experience. I had to take it for what it was.

One job helped me experience life more than any other. It was my job as barista, shift lead, then associate manager that elevated me. At that job I got to know people. I opened up to strangers because they were genuinely interested in who I was. For the first time in my life I felt comfortable being myself. I didn't have to introduce them to my 'representative.' I was myself and gained the friendships that I always wanted with wonderful people. I reminisce about those times often. I gained knowledge, wisdom, friends but most of all I gained myself. I learned that I was wonderful as is. My friends reaffirmed this for me. There are many memories I have from CC's. Crawfish Friday's with crawfish and Heinekens. Sitting outside for hours on. Knowing everyday was different but with some commonality. We had each other. We protected each other from everyday lives. It was our release. At CC's we laughed, talked and even cried because we were comfortable to display all of those feelings. I don't know about the rest of you, but it was the first time in my life where I felt I could be vulnerable without being defenseless.

Now I embark on this new road of my life. I don't have my CC's everyday, but I took away from it lifelong friendships. Actually, I gained more family. That family understands how to push me in the right direction. It's time for me to accept that push and move forward. Thank you all for loving me as is. There's so much more to me that's trying to get out. I'm ready! World, here I come.

"I am in a new place in my life and it is strange but familiar to me." - Gia Hamilton

I read this on Facebook on an old classmate's status. I've been trying to go back for so long. There were things I forgot in my old age. I was closer to God when I was younger. I used to talk to God all of the time. I was closer to myself. I didn't care about all of the glitter and gold. It was about truth and faith. When I was upset, I had my grandmother and music to console me. I listen to music still, but it's different. While learning new things, I cannot forget the old. I cannot forget about going to my room, locking my door, listening to music and forgetting the world. Even in a relationship I cannot forget about being with myself.

I used to write poetry all of the time to give my feelings worth through words, stanzas and phrases. It was something more than poetry. It was my experiences and feelings canonized. I have to get away from the idiot box, television. I used to read all of the time. I have to get away and walk. I used to walk everywhere. I got this car and cannot walk down the street. I bought a bike a few months ago, and I haven't rode it like I said I would. I cannot get down on myself. I just have to do it.

It's crazy how your life change when you live with someone else. You cannot lose yourself within that relationship. You still have to fight for your individuality. I'm not an idiot box watcher, but I became one because my significant other watches it all of the time. When she is reading, she has the idiot box on. I cannot be an idiot. I forgot that I made my own space when I was living at home. I thought I didn't have to create that space because it is mine. Actually, it's ours. I have to create my space to stay sane.

Let me get back to the basics. I used to run 5 miles a day. I'm back to 2 miles. It's time to get back to that. I used to depend on me. I have to get back to that. I used to read a book a week. I have to get back to that. I used to pray every day. I have to get back to that. I used to write poetry to get it out. I have to get back to that. I will get back to that. I've recognize what I need to get back in my life. I've realized what I don't need in my life. Growing is understanding what God intended you to be. I'm growing.

MJJ - My Last Tribute

Michael Jackson is gone. We've seen the tributes. I understand the time restriction of it, but come on it's Michael Jackson. We watched the memorial. Kenny Ortega. I would love to work with him. The memorial was something wonderful. While I did not watch the whole memorial, I watched the memorable clips. From Brooke Shields' eulogy to Jermaine Jackson's reindition of Charlie Chaplin's Smile to Magic Johnson's funny anecdote to Usher's tender touch of the casket as he sang it was marvelous. There's so many wonderful moments you can speak about.

The thing I enjoyed about the memorial for the first time in my life Michael Jackson seemed human just like the rest of us. For a long time we put him on this pedestal. Michael Jackson created this phenomenon of a superstar. He then became a slave to his superstardom. It was what he strived for, but very few could relate to him due to his status or talent. Michael Jackson was a little strange. What he dealt with was extremely strange things with his family, friends, fans and the media. Michael Jackson became a prisoner to his own success. I don't pity him, for he created that mass hysteria around himself.

There has never been a man that singlehandedly created a persona like Michael Jackson. For he wasn't just an entertainer, Jackson was a humanitarian. He understood the meaning of giving back to those unfortunate. In the 80s he became friends with the AIDS patient, Ryan White. At that time HIV and AIDS patients were treated as if they needed to be 'quarantined.' That's when AIDS was a 'gay disease.' However, Michael Jackson only saw a boy in need. The relationship between Ryan White and Michael Jackson became international news. Michael Jackson brought a focus to HIV, AIDS and its research.

During the memorial I realized that for his family and friends he was just Michael or MJ. He was a loving man who was naive at times. He loved his family and friends. He loved his children. He loved his fans, for he understood without his fans his life as he knew it wouldn't be possible. He was wonderfully human with extraordinary talents. Now Michael Jackson can lay to rest knowing he will always be one of the very best to ever do it, ENTERTAINING. He was an entertainer. Let's not forget that he was human first. MJJ, you will surely missed.

In New Orleans We Celebrate Life

Essence Music Festival came and went this year. I didn't want to go. I've realized that I'm not into big crowds. It's about quality over quantity for me. When I was younger, I thought I had to show my face at Essence, Mardi Gras and Bayou Classic just to be seen. If I didn't enjoy it, I didn't understand why I was doing it. It was the glitz and glamour we rarely see in New Orleans. Everyone comes to our city and makes it better. I remember when we had big events in New Orleans such as the Super Bowl, NBA All-Star Weekend, Bayou Classic or Essence Music Festival out-of-state promoters would come and give these VIP parties. These parties would start at $50 just to get in to be around the rich and famous. If you wanted you could pay more money to be VIP. This was up to $200. How ludicrous is that! Outrageous!

Then I realized the reason celebrities enjoy coming to New Orleans is for the fun atmosphere and nonchalant attitude of the people. In the past Lenny Kravitz was a regular at Port o' Call, but everyone treated him like a regular person. It's about celebrating life in New Orleans. We don't hound people because we know they have to live their lives. It's a remarkable thing! I was watching a VH1 Soul, and there was a special on Black music. Babyface talked about how he had to move back to Los Angeles because he felt he was 'a big fish in a small pond' in Atlanta. New Orleans is different because we feel like you're just another person here. That's why we are called a big town instead of a small city.

Understanding that New Orleans will never be Atlanta. We shouldn't want to be. We should want the music business that Atlanta has warranted. But we should never want to be another city because no other city can be like New Orleans. There's no place like New Orleans in the world. It's the quaintness of New Orleans. It's the feeling that everyone knows everyone. That makes New Orleans wonderful. That's why I would like New Orleans promotions to be similar. We should celebrate our uniqueness. We should look at other cities as templates but never lose the sight of the uniqueness and wonderment we call New Orleans. There's something wonderful about New Orleans. Everyone says it's a little slow in New Orleans, but who cares? In New Orleans we experience life and take it all in. Everyday we celebrate life even in death we do. Let's celebrate life in New Orleans.

Because I Love Her...New Orleans

She is so beautiful. She is like wine, for she gets better with time. She gets into your being and won't let go. You leave her, but you keep coming back for more. She is not too good for you, but you don't care because she is there when you need her. Her sexiness perpertrates your soul, and you cannot think about anybody but her. She does this to you with ease. Everyone says she 'ain't' no good, but she's good for you. Everyone loves her but only for awhile.

While you think I am talking about a woman. I am thinking of New Orleans. I personified New Orleans as woman because New Orleans penetrates your soul like one. Only a woman can do what she does. She gives and gives, but the worst part about no one thinks about giving back to her. Just take, take, take. Everyday I sit and think about how I can give back to New Orleans and its rich tradition. New Orleans deserves it. She really deserves it.

For years I wondered what my talents were. I realized that I couldn't sing. I couldn't dance. I couldn't play an instrument. I always loved music. There's more to music than playing it. I dj'd for a minute in college, but it was the business side that always fascinated me. While I was Dillard University I interned for Hidden Beach Recordings at its infancy. I remembered the first time I saw Jill Scott at The Roots concert at House of Blues. It was then that I knew she would be a star. Then the following summer she hosted the superlounge with Doug E. Fresh at the Essence Music Festival. She talked about her new album, Who is Jill Scott on Hidden Beach Recordings. What? I prided myself on knowing record labels even obscure ones no one else heard about. When I got home I searched Hidden Beach Recordings on the internet. I found it and was blown away. I had to be a part of such a great company. I applied for the internship that night.

A few weeks later I received a package in the mail stating that I was accepted into the internship. It was one of the happiest day of my life (at the time). I took that internship seriously. That internship taught me to network. It actually took me out of my shell and talk to people. When you handing out free cds and promo items people are willing to talk to you. I made contacts then that I still have today. The greatest thing I took away from 'The Program' is the network of people around the country I still contact today that I can bounce ideas off of. I also made industry folks that I still have today.

Now New Orleans it's time for me to use my resources of knowledge, talents and networks to your benefit. New Orleans is so marginalized in its event promotion. We are so divided on racial lines. We party in colors. Why? There's an influx of races, colors and nationalities that make up New Orleans. Let's celebrate that. Imagine creating a space where everyone is free from labels, demands or pressures and can be themselves. Everyone's a star in New Orleans, for it's the unique people that give New Orleans its character. Think of a place where you can be exposed to the new and reminded of the ol where dancing and having a good time reign supreme. While this is my vision, it will be a reality soon enough. Laissez les bon temps roulez.

I love her... New Orleans

Last night I watched a documentary, Faubourg Treme. It was an intimate look at New Orleans and the Treme area through the eyes of Lolis Eric Elie. Lolis Eric Elie walks us through his neighborhood, Faubourg Treme as he examines the rich history and culture of a neighborhood that was home to largest community of free blacks. Faubourg Treme is rich in history and culture. Newspaperman Lolis Eric Elie and director Dawn Logsdon created a documentary that became a love story for this particular neighborhood of New Orleans. The ebony-ivory combination of Elie and Logsdon quintessentially gave a backdrop of diversity which exists within this community since its beginning.

New Orleans has been so divisive for years. Racial discrimination and ignorance kept us apart for years. Then the levees broke. Homes were flooded. Lives were destroyed. Culture and history was lost. The richness of New Orleans is its people. It's the color commentary of two Saints fans sitting at a bar on a Sunday afternoon. It's the sounds of Soul Rebels on Thursday night at Le Bon Temps Roule on Magazine Street. It's the smells of great food throughout your 'mama-n-nem' house. It's dialect of 'making groceries' instead of going to the grocery store. It's the remembrance of something great that makes us 'naturally New Orleans.' We can sit here and point fingers for the slow response to Hurricane Katrina, but it's up to us to make sure the memory of those who died and the culture lives on.

This cannot be a black-white thing. There's an influx of brown people coming to our area. We have to embrace it all. We have to understand that this is the time make something new. We have to make sure that Hurricane Katrina and the aftermatch did not happen in vain. It's up to us all New Orleanians to ensure that we can laugh, party and love as we once did. We cannot allow Katrina to take our spirit. We have to show that we are fearless. We are ready to take our city back through politics, business and culture. We need all of these things to sustain New Orleans as a viable city that like no other. New Orleans, you have made me what I am. It's time for me to help you in your need. My journey continues.

(Wo)Man in the Mirror

It was over twenty years ago, and I can still remember the first time I heard Michael Jackson sing Man in the Mirror. As soon as he crooned, "I'm gonna make a change for once in my life. It's gonna feel real good. Gonna make a difference. Gonna make it right," I knew it was a hit. Twenty years later I think I'm making that song a reality in my life. With all of the controversy surrounding his life and death Michael Jackson made songs from the heart. Man in the Mirror makes me look at myself and see what I need to do to make myself better. I know I have everything I need because I am a Divine representation.

For many years I would not look at myself in the mirror because I thought I was too ugly. I didn't want to see what was in front of me. I didn't want to confront my ugliness. Self-affirmations saved my life. I didn't smile for years because I hated my smile. I now laugh loud and proudly. I love my smile because I noticed I had dimples. Wow, where did those dimples come from? I look at my old pictures. I always had them. They are not pronounced like Lauren London, but who cares? They are mine. I love my profile picture on Facebook because I am smiling and laughing with one of my best friends, Jason.

This is the (Wo)Man in the Mirror year for me. I've taken those shackles off of my feet. I've left behind confusion, doubt and anger. I continue on my journey with a renewed sense of awareness of myself. I look in the mirror with a smile on my face. I've come to realize that the only way I can overcome my demons is to face them. I have to take them head on. It is wonderful to find your way. It's wonderful to understand that you are ready to do this. There's nothing that can stop me except myself. I'm getting out of my way and continue to pour my heart and soul in my dreams as they come to fruition. Ain't no stopping me now...

This is for you...

Last weekend I spent my time with someone I loved and continue to love to this day. I love her for her honesty and bluntness. I love her because she can call me on my shyt. And she did on a few occassions. She puts up that mirror, and I don't like what I see at times. I get over one hump, and here goes another one. She could just say that I'm wonderful and marvelous. She does when appropiate, but she also tells me when I'm not. She accepts me as I am and loves me for me. She is one of few people who I would trust with my secrets.

Nearly nine years ago I met this young girl. It's refreshing to see her and her growth. We marveled at each other's growth this weekend. She said this was her best weekend in New Orleans. At first I have to admit that I was a little hurt by that. When she explained that she was open to the experience, I understood. It was about her growth not about me. We've had an interesting relationship thus far. I really can say that I like her. She's a wonderful person. I wish I can be around her energy more often. That's what I need. I need that positive and progressive energy around me.

Nine years ago I thought I was ready for the world. Oh Sheila! But I was not. I was ready to experience the world. She was a part of that experience. I learned about myself. I learned about what I wanted. I learned about loving. I cannot deny that she means the world to me in more ways than one. I pray that she finds joy. There's nothing left to say except, "I love you!" Thank you for being the woman you are. Beautiful. Fine (that goes without saying). Confident. Talented (in many ways). Glorious. Bless. Wonderful. Thank you for the journey as it continues.