Unconditional love

I realized that I understand what unconditional love is. Unconditional love is God's love transcended through someone else. You know it because God loves us in spite of ourselves. God continues to love us when we do not love ourselves. There are times when I feel that I am not worthy of love. These are the times when I do not love myself enough to open up, to be honest, or to be whole. I ignore all the signs that I am lovable. Nothing compares to unconditional love. Sometimes I talk about the hurt I've felt as a result of my childhood. Too many times I talk about the emotional pain I had as a result of my parents being chemically dependent and the effects on my psyche as a child. While that has happened, I have to get myself out of that rut. At times my life had difficult moments, my grandparents shield me from the destructive nature of both of my parents. They gave me unconditional love. I remember sitting on my grandmother's lap until I was 12 (I was too big for that) to tell her about my day. She listened with such intensity for I matter. My grandfather would give me the 'talks' about life. We would sit there and listen to jazz. When I was a kid, I hated jazz, but I didn't care because I was with him. When my grandfather died in 1990, I listened to jazz to be nearer to him. He was there always in my heart. Wow, I sit here writing and realize that I don't think about the happier times often. I don't share about how my whole family would come on holidays, and we would have so much fun. I digress and talk about how we don't do that anymore. I need to reach out to my family more. Over the years my family's composition changed. My circle of family has become my friends who I trust with my inner most secrets and vice versa. My family is the people who has given me unconditional love. After 32 years of ego-based living, God continues to answer my prayers. I don't acknowledge that at times. Each day I am becoming aware of the attitudes and behaviors I display that are ego driven, judgmental, controlling, fearful and unloving. When I recognize this, I have to bring forth my need to love myself and call forth the presence of unconditional love. In that presence, I am reminded to simply be willing to change for change's sake.

I would like to thank some people:
A.J. (you're my strength when I don't think I can go on), Ca(you make me believe when sometimes I don't, Jay(you're my inspiration with our rare talks), Angela (the 'cousin'), Gennice (my nanny), Uncle Butch, Nat, Mel P., Uncle Mel (thanks for lending a hand during Katrina), Iran (we're about to make it happen), Jason (we're too much alike, get out of my head), Wayne (a great friend to have), Anita (M.I.A. but there were many great times), Dwan (come back home, we miss you), Greg A. (Nothing like 'sicland), Danielle M., (So many years went by... but you are one of my true friends), Bianca R. (how we created such a loving friendship away from each other), Lisa A. (we've been through it all, I need to call you more), Lysa C. (We just are), Keithen (You're my brother), K'eary (open up, I'm here), Ira (You're there), Benson (we go back and forth), Capricia (lil sis, thank you for keeping my sanity at work), Michele (I have a feeling you're there for the long haul), Krystle V (you love me soooo, thanks), Quendi (you just left... but not my heart), Christian (you've come so far), Rian, Michael (I miss you, lil brother), Lakesia (wow, thank you...), Teisha (Songwriter, singer... extradonaire), Jolene (we have to stop arguing and leaving each other for extended periods of time), Sherman (you check on me), Kymberli (my traveling friend), Mishka (we love each other so much), Mom (you have unlimited potential)... After creating this list, I realize that I have what I need. Thanks God.