Remain Open!

'Remain open. There is something bigger than you know going on here.'

Last night I called a friend of mine, and we talked and talked. We actually made plans to work on our dreams. Not together! I realized that I work well with her. We give each other good advice, and we play devil's advocate for each other. I hadn't talked to her in a minute (about two weeks). That is how our friendship has always been. We talked for over an hour. If you knew her, that's like talking for all 24 hours. That was a sidebar. We are getting together tonight. I am really excited. One reason is because I haven't seen my friend in a minute, but most importantly, I excited about the infinite possibilities of my future. I've been stating that I needed time to work on my other stuff (alternative lifestyle events/'white paper'). This is my time. It is my time to shine. I could get really upset about being laid off from my job, but the fact is I am not in control of that. On May 14, 2009 Starbucks Coffee Company is closing my store that I opened (11724 - Williams & 33rd). We will shut its doors and open up doors of new possibilities. Hidden Beach Recordings artist Mike Phillips has 'change and growth' continuously on his Facebook's personal update. I read that and realized that this is change for me to grow into the woman I was born to be. I cannot be sad. I can rejoice in that. I have to remain open to receive all of the good fortune I am about to receive. I will be tested. I will need the support of my family and friends to get through this (Believe that!). As my transfomation become more and more complete, this lioness will roar loudly to say, "I've arrived. Now deal with it!" I'm ready to roar.

Putting My Life in Order

Yesterday I realized this whole week I had been sluggish. I hadn't been working out. I hadn't been reading. I hadn't been eating well. I hadn't been sleeping on a schedule. I hadn't been doing anything that would be conducive to the advancement of my life. I stuck in a rut. Yesterday at work, I did absolutely nothing. This morning I woke up at 3:30am without an alarm. God finally woke me up to get out of this rut. I have things to do. I have to clean my office from top to bottom. I have to finish reorganizing the backroom at work. It was a great idea, but it doesn't mean anything if there's not a place for everything. I cannot get mad at my employees if they just put it anywhere. I have to get my life in order. I am the only one who can get up two hours early to write on this blog, read and meditate. I am the only one who can say, "No" to Facebook, Twitter and Myspace unless it has to do with my hopes and dreams. I am the only one who can set a schedule and follow it to get everything I need to get done.

Order! Order! Order! I need to bring order to my body, mind and soul. I have to become aligned with what God has planned. I have to surrender to this plan. There's so many people who believe in my intelligence, my talents and my dreams. I have to understand that I am powerful beyond measure because I am the God's child. I'm now transparent. I have to be honest with myself to change the things I need. I have to be obedient to God's will. I have to discipline my mind, my body, my soul, and my whole being to align myself with my life's purpose. When I make bad choices, don't harp on that. Learn from the bad choice and make another one. When something is over, I have to realize that it is over. I can't dump 'it' and then inspect 'it'. I have to flush and move on. I've always had a sixth sense about things. I can talk very freely with friends now. It took awhile before I could do that. I would talk and then ask myself, "Damn, I didn't know I knew that." I know because I am spiritually connected to God. I cannot be fearful in my quest for advancement. I cannot be fearful I am going to fail. Even in failing I will learn something that I need to know. It's about the journey. This journey teaches me to love myself as God loves me. Wow, I am getting it.

40 X 40

A few weeks ago I went to my favorite hang-out, CC's Coffee House on Esplanade Ave in New Orleans. I got out of my car, and someone called my name. I looked and didn't recognize the person or the voice. I went toward her, and it was my friend Danielle. Danielle and I had such history. She was my friend. She left and went to New York a number of years ago, but we kept in touch (kinda). We would talk every now and then. She was only in town for a night. She was leaving the next day. It was perfect. I was off and we could hang out and chill. She was telling me about things she wanted to do and about her list of things to do before she was 35. So I decided to create a list of things I wanted to do before 40. Here is my list:

1. I will to ask a woman out on a date.
2. I will skydive.
3. I will become a vegetarian.
4. I will work out consistently at least 5 times a week.
5. I will ask God what He/She has in mind for me and give me the courage, skills, wisdom and knowledge to carry the destiny out.
6. I will buy a house.
7. I will save 10 percent of my check.
8. I will run a 10k.
9. I will read 52 books in a year.
10. I will be self-employed.
11. I will take 10-30 minute walk every day.
12. I will meditate every day.
13. I will pray every day.
14. I will stop eating after 7pm.
15. I will drink green tea every day.
16. I will travel to South Africa, Brazil, Congo, Cuba and Ireland.
17. I will forgive everyone who has done wrong to me. I will let it go.
18. I will write Barack Obama and tell him what his presidency means to me.
19. I will be FINE! I will have a flat stomach. I want around 20 percent body fat.
20. My website Eyes Wide Open will launch.
21. I will be a millionaire.
22. I will be satisfied with my life as is while building for the future.
23. I will listen to music every day of my life.
24. I will write an article for VIBE and XXL magazine.
25. I will get my MBA.
26. I will give up aaaaaaalcohol.
27. I will volunteer to the poor (primarily kids).
28. I will open a community center for kids.
29. I will build a record studio for my brother, Amir.
30. I will be an architect in bring music business to New Orleans.
31. I will make three people smile every day.
32. I will be organized.
33. I will call my friends consistently even when things are going on in my life.
34. I will sing at a karaoke bar or do a show at the gay party.
35. I will travel at least 3 times a year.
36. I will learn a new recipe a month.
37. I will run on a treadmill on 5.0 for 30 minutes.
38. I will love unconditionally.
39. I will learn to skateboard.
40. I will surrender to God's will. I will let go and let God.

Unconditional love

I realized that I understand what unconditional love is. Unconditional love is God's love transcended through someone else. You know it because God loves us in spite of ourselves. God continues to love us when we do not love ourselves. There are times when I feel that I am not worthy of love. These are the times when I do not love myself enough to open up, to be honest, or to be whole. I ignore all the signs that I am lovable. Nothing compares to unconditional love. Sometimes I talk about the hurt I've felt as a result of my childhood. Too many times I talk about the emotional pain I had as a result of my parents being chemically dependent and the effects on my psyche as a child. While that has happened, I have to get myself out of that rut. At times my life had difficult moments, my grandparents shield me from the destructive nature of both of my parents. They gave me unconditional love. I remember sitting on my grandmother's lap until I was 12 (I was too big for that) to tell her about my day. She listened with such intensity for I matter. My grandfather would give me the 'talks' about life. We would sit there and listen to jazz. When I was a kid, I hated jazz, but I didn't care because I was with him. When my grandfather died in 1990, I listened to jazz to be nearer to him. He was there always in my heart. Wow, I sit here writing and realize that I don't think about the happier times often. I don't share about how my whole family would come on holidays, and we would have so much fun. I digress and talk about how we don't do that anymore. I need to reach out to my family more. Over the years my family's composition changed. My circle of family has become my friends who I trust with my inner most secrets and vice versa. My family is the people who has given me unconditional love. After 32 years of ego-based living, God continues to answer my prayers. I don't acknowledge that at times. Each day I am becoming aware of the attitudes and behaviors I display that are ego driven, judgmental, controlling, fearful and unloving. When I recognize this, I have to bring forth my need to love myself and call forth the presence of unconditional love. In that presence, I am reminded to simply be willing to change for change's sake.

I would like to thank some people:
A.J. (you're my strength when I don't think I can go on), Ca(you make me believe when sometimes I don't, Jay(you're my inspiration with our rare talks), Angela (the 'cousin'), Gennice (my nanny), Uncle Butch, Nat, Mel P., Uncle Mel (thanks for lending a hand during Katrina), Iran (we're about to make it happen), Jason (we're too much alike, get out of my head), Wayne (a great friend to have), Anita (M.I.A. but there were many great times), Dwan (come back home, we miss you), Greg A. (Nothing like 'sicland), Danielle M., (So many years went by... but you are one of my true friends), Bianca R. (how we created such a loving friendship away from each other), Lisa A. (we've been through it all, I need to call you more), Lysa C. (We just are), Keithen (You're my brother), K'eary (open up, I'm here), Ira (You're there), Benson (we go back and forth), Capricia (lil sis, thank you for keeping my sanity at work), Michele (I have a feeling you're there for the long haul), Krystle V (you love me soooo, thanks), Quendi (you just left... but not my heart), Christian (you've come so far), Rian, Michael (I miss you, lil brother), Lakesia (wow, thank you...), Teisha (Songwriter, singer... extradonaire), Jolene (we have to stop arguing and leaving each other for extended periods of time), Sherman (you check on me), Kymberli (my traveling friend), Mishka (we love each other so much), Mom (you have unlimited potential)... After creating this list, I realize that I have what I need. Thanks God.

Honor Life with... ORDER

Order is the grace of God that brings to us exactly what we need, exactly when we need it.

After reading today's commentary, I realized that my life is always in order as God planned it. I have to learn that I am powerful beyond measure because I am the child of God. I am in God's image. I am intelligent enough. I am sexy enough. I am confident enough. I am talented enough. I am. I am. This is a process that I had to understand. I had to understand that I am wonderful as is. I had the talents to do whatever I needed to do. This was my order. That's why I do not have the things like others yet because that is not my order. My order is to understand how great I am and act on that greatness. My order is to learn from my past mistakes including OMNI Records, Wendell, my cousin, and others. I had to meet my friends when I did. I had to lose, regain and lose them like I did. It's all a part of God has planned for me. I can continuously count down the mistakes, but I will continue to make those mistakes if I do not learn from them. While your order is what it is, you have to understand that, but your experiences is life's teacher. If you're stagnant, then you might as well be dead. My order is. Let me live my life according to God's plan.