Dear Mother

Dear Mother,

I am writing you this letter because we have always had a tumultuous relationship throughout the years. Your addictions have halted me. For years I thought I did something wrong. I was the cause of your drug addiction. With help you curbed the drub addiction. I was proud of you, but I've realized that you replaced it with alcohol. I could tell you how harmful that is, but you know what you are doing to your body. You already know.

At times I do not know how to deal with you. My childhood has great and wonderful memories sprinkled in with painful ones. I used to focus on the painful ones, but I will say that you did the best you could. Not being proud you allowed my grandparents to be my primary caregivers because you knew your limits. That's a wonderful thing. Sometimes I used to resent that, but I now know that you know what you could and couldn't handle. You did what was best for me. That selfless act enabled me to have a 'close to normal' childhood. And I thank you.

I remember the times when I was around three and four. We would go to the zoo, hang out in the French Quarters, go to Chuck E. Cheese or just hang out. It was just the two of us. We would go everywhere during the summer. I remember on a whim Linda and you taking me to Destin, FL on Memorial weekend. Yes, we couldn't find a hotel, but we found a motel next to a married couple. I remember that. I don't remember how old I was. I remember I had fun in the sun. I remember going to Disney World a couple of times with/without you. We went to Astroworld when we visited Ca. We would get in a car and just drive to our destination. As I got older, you sent me to Houston, D.C. area and Philly. I was exposed to so much stuff. I have you to thank for that.

For years I've focused on the negative, but you are the reason I am the person I am. You have nurtured me as you could. At 32 I realized that we all are human. I could focus on the negative, but why? I know my boundaries with you. I could keep telling you to stop 'killing yourself slowly,' but why? All I'm going to do is pray for you. I want God to keep you safe because you haven't seen it all. There's things you still have to do. There's people who love you. I am one of them. I know I don't tell you all of the time, but I do. I love you, mom. Even though how tumultuous our relationship has been I've realized that I don't say that to you. You deserve that because with your flaws and all you are still beautifully human, and you are my mother. Thank you for loving me. I'm learning to love you unconditionally because I'm learning to love myself unconditionally. I've taken the blame from you and placed it on myself. So again, I love you.

Love,
Your Daughter,
Anisa Kenyatta Parks